October 22, 2005 – Catherine Zeta-Jones / Franz Ferdinand (S31 E3)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

TROOPS Q&A
George W. Bush (WLF) Q&A with Iraq troops has obviously been staged

— Some pretty good laughs from Jason’s character blankly reading EVERYTHING off of the teleprompter/cue cards during his “spontaneous” answer, including directions that he’s supposed to perform and not read off. This then gets made even funnier by Rachel mouthing Jason’s “spontaneous” answer.
— Funny response from Rachel to Will-as-President-Bush’s questions about the Iraqi “electricians”.
— I love the gag with Finesse going off-script and launching into a heated anti-Bush rant, only to get panickedly cut off by a static screen, which is then followed by the screen cutting back to Finesse, who has now been hastily replaced by another black soldier (Kenan) who is so obviously not him, but is pretending to be him and is obediently following orders.
STARS: ***½


MONOLOGUE
unafraid of SNL, host dances & sings “They Can’t Take My Oscar Away”

— Funny little gaffe where, when Catherine Zeta-Jones attempts to toss away her breakaway dress after ripping it off her body, it accidentally flies right back into her face due to being stuck on her hand, which she handles really well by making a funny silly face towards the camera while successfully tossing away the dress during her second attempt.
— Not much of a comedic conceit to this song, and I usually dislike song-and-dance monologues, but Catherine is performing this so well that’s it’s actually endearing me to the whole thing. She’s making this entertaining.
STARS: ***


THE BUTT CANCER TREATMENT CENTER
Butt Cancer Treatment Center patient (JAS) uses juvenile ass euphemisms

— I got some laughs early on from Jason and Amy repeatedly saying “butt cancer” in such a serious actors-in-a-medical-commercial manner, but this whole thing is just an excuse to say a whole bunch of butt euphemisms with a professional delivery. Nothing great to me.
STARS: **


NEWSNIGHT WITH AARON BROWN
in Afghanistan, CNN reporter’s (host) inability to groom takes its toll

— Darrell’s playing lots of CNN/Fox News anchors tonight, even for his standards.
— The name of Catherine’s fictional reporter character, Suzanne Carbonal, seems to have been inspired by the last name of a fictional reporter character that Ana Gasteyer occasionally played, Diane Carbonal. I think Cecily Strong would also later play a fictional reporter with that last name in a sketch from her first season, though I can’t quite remember the sketch (it might be the pope sketch from season 38’s Kevin Hart episode).
— Some mild laughs from how haggard and hairy Catherine is increasingly getting with each passing time jump.
— Meh, this is starting get kinda old, and they’re not making enough comical exaggerations with Catherine’s increasingly unkempt appearance. They should’ve had more fun and gone REALLY out in the escalation of Catherine’s bad looks, but maybe that type of make-up requirement would’ve been too difficult to pull off in a live sketch.
STARS: **½


DANCER PARTY
(SEM) endures jazzed-up party with (host) & other Bob Fosse-esque dancers

— Looks like this could be a fun sketch.
— Amusing to see Andy with his real hair all done up like that.
— Lots of fun performances from the cast here.
— A funny running bit with Andy’s only line throughout this sketch being a dramatically delivered “jaaaaazzzzzzzzz”.
STARS: ****


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Do You Want To”


WEEKEND UPDATE
failed high school football coach’s (JAS) optimism is unwarranted

sex expert DOP hits on AMP & makes TIF jealous

blind prop comic Pep Walters (FRA) fumbles through his routine

a photo of CHR at the Weekend Update desk marks his passing

— Tina Fey makes her first appearance of the season, as she has returned from her maternity leave. You already know my feelings on this if you’re familiar with my negative reviews of Tina’s Update performance from the last three seasons before this and have read my positive reviews of Horatio’s Update performance when filling in for Tina the last two episodes.
— Tina wearing her old purple Update suit from previous seasons doesn’t match Amy’s new gray Update suit from this season.
— Wow, they’re going right into the jokes tonight, without even doing a bit welcoming Tina back? I thought I remembered this Update opening with one.
— Oh, now we get the bit with Tina being welcomed back, after Amy’s first joke.
— During the welcoming-back for Tina, Tina mentions that Maya had her baby the previous week, and we’re then shown a comical photo of a future SNL cast that consists almost entirely of babies. They were off in their prediction of Kenan not being in that future cast.
— Maybe it’s because it’s her first episode back from maternity leave, but something about Tina’s delivery sounds slightly different tonight. And, maybe it’s because I’ve had a much-needed break from her the last two episodes before tonight, but I’m surprisingly NOT finding myself having such a negative reaction to Tina’s delivery and jokes tonight, which is surprising given how sick I had gradually become of her the last three seasons before this.
— Good to see Jason doing an Update commentary for his very first time.
— Meh, despite some mild laughs and a solid performance from Jason, his commentary itself didn’t turn out all that funny.
— Tina and Amy’s Sports Minute For Ladies bit was…well, to-the-point, at least.
— I’m surprisingly not finding myself hating Tina and Amy’s jokes tonight. I’m not exactly bowled over with hysterical laughter either, but not hating their jokes is still progress. Baby steps, folks.
— Always fun to hear Don Pardo’s voice-over have a big involvement in the comedy of a piece.
— Blah, Tina’s “jazzorcism” joke was the first Update joke tonight I hated, and reminded me of the typical crap seen in a Fey/Poehler Update from the preceding season.
— Fred debuts his latest of many stand-up comedian Update characters, this one having a different sensory impairment from his deaf comedian character, by being a blind comic.
— An overall pretty good bit from Fred, especially his defeated reaction when realizing his joke bombed after the extremely delayed timing of him receiving the correct prop. Not my personal favorite of Fred’s Update stand-up characters, though.
— Ha, I spoke a bit too soon, as Fred kills with a very funny post-commenary bit where, right in the middle of an Update joke from Amy, Fred’s character suddenly shows up in front of the camera, wandering around lost and having to be told the correct direction to walk in. This would later become a running gag with Fred’s impression of blind New York governor David Paterson.
— Unfortunately, the copy of this episode that I’m reviewing is missing an “In Memoriam” graphic for the then-recently-deceased Charles Rocket that’s shown after this Update fades to black. Too bad, because I had kinda been looking forward to seeing it again (as grim as that may sound to say), especially now that, due to this SNL project of mine, I’m FAR more familiar with Charles’ SNL tenure than I was back in 2005 when I last saw this “In Memoriam” graphic.
— Overall, while still not particularly good, tonight’s Fey/Poehler Update was surprisingly more tolerable than usual. It’ll be interesting to see if this is only because I’ve been temporarily put in a better mood toward Fey/Poehler Updates after getting a much-needed break from Tina the last two episodes before this, or if the Fey/Poehler Updates have perhaps genuinely gotten better this season. From what I remember of how the rest of this season plays out, it’s definitely the former and not the latter, and if so, that means my trademark saltiness towards Fey/Poehler Updates will soon be returning in full-swing, sad to say.
STARS: **½


ITALIAN HOTEL
in Italy, Vinny Vedecci (BIH) & other locals mock & court USA tourists

— Ah, the debut of Bill’s Vinny Vedecci! Very interesting in retrospect to see his first appearance being in a sketch that’s NOT his talk show sketch that he would later regularly appear in.
— Bill’s performance is fucking fantastic in this. His voice, his delivery, his facial expressions, his mannerisms, his convincing-sounding fake Italian, just…EVERYTHING about him in this sketch is so damn good.
— Ugh, here comes freakin’ Horatio to ruin the momentum of this sketch with his typical self-indulgent hamminess. He seems so out of place in this sketch, especially when acting alongside Bill’s expert performance. Make what you will of the fact that a new featured player in only his third episode is far outdoing an 8-year-veteran.
— I love Fred’s mocking imitations of the tourists’ American accents.
STARS: ***


ACCESS HOLLYWOOD
celebs perform Sharon Stone’s (AMP) storm relief song

— Catherine as Joss Stone is good casting, as I can see a facial resemblance in this sketch.
— Kenan In A Dress alert. And in typical Kenan fashion, he plays Aretha Franklin the EXACT FUCKING SAME he plays Star Jones, Wanda Sykes, and almost any other black female he’s played up to this point of his SNL tenure. Ugh, stuff like this really makes you appreciate how Kenan is in more recent years, where he’s a more mature, dependable performer, and has long ditched the dressing-in-drag routine.
— I don’t know why, but if they hadn’t put a graphic on the bottom of the screen stating Horatio’s playing Michael McDonald, I’d have assumed he was playing Kenny Rogers.
— That’s it? The sketch is over? This felt pointless and didn’t get a single laugh from me. A big ol’ flop.
STARS: *


CREIGHTON BOYS SCHOOL
fellow teachers resent gorgeous new high school French instructor (host)

— I got a big laugh from when Kenan, after being asked by Amy to say his greeting to her in Spanish, says a very hesitant, puzzled, and half-hearted “Olo?”
— Funny interplay between Seth and Amy here.
— Yet another hammy walk-on from Horatio.
— Ha, a very funny reveal that Horatio’s wife is Rachel, who had been silently sitting there THE WHOLE TIME while he was flirting with Catherine.
STARS: ***½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Take Me Out”


SINGING VOWS
spanking fetishists (WLF) & (host) sing naughty vows at wedding ceremony

— Much like in the preceding episode, for a new featured player, Jason has had a surprisingly big presence throughout tonight’s episode and has been playing quite a number of utility roles, most likely due to Chris Parnell’s absence tonight once again.
— For some reason, Tina’s facial expressions here are reminding me so much of Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
— Will Forte singing is almost always comedy gold.
— A hilarious turn in the song after such a serious and long set up. Another great display of oddball Will Forte humor.
— A particularly hilarious lyric from Will about how “I fed my palms a meal of womanly butt-steak, and downed half a bottle of Quaaludes”.
— Another particularly great lyric from Will, this time about how the sexual spanking he received from Catherine made him think of his mother, a lyric he then follows up by lovingly saying “I love you, mom!”
— Jason’s extended speechless reaction after the song has finished is priceless.
— Clever ending with Will’s “kiss” to the bride being him kissing his hand, then using that same hand to repeatedly spank her.
STARS: ****½


MORGAN STANLEY
Rerun from 10/1/05


SCHATZKI’S DELI
Abe Scheinwald wants Mexican bombshell (host) for Emily Dickinson role

— A laugh from Seth rushing Amy the hell out of there when Rachel’s sleazy Abe Scheinwald suddenly shows up.
— I’ve gotten tired of this Scheinwald routine during the last appearance it made before tonight, so I’m not all that eager to see this.
— Wow. Very odd and random casting of Darrell, of all people, in the bit role of a non-speaking waiter. What, was Andy too busy or something?
— Funny how Rachel’s two biggest roles of the night (in the Creighton Boys School sketch and this) both have her chowing down on food the entire time. I remember someone on an SNL message board posting during the Live Discussion thread for this episode back when it originally aired, “Do you think Rachel didn’t even bother eating dinner before the show, knowing her only two big roles of the night were going to involve her eating?”
— Didn’t care for the ending.
— Overall, some laughs here and there, but this sketch as a whole was pretty tepid. I’m glad this ends up being the final appearance of the Scheinwalds.
STARS: **


GOODNIGHTS


IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A very average episode. Not much to say about it overall. It was certainly less impressive than the first two episodes of this season, but not bad.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Jon Heder)
a step down


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Lance Armstrong