Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars
MICHAEL JACKSON IN NEVERLAND RANCH
in bed with the flu, loopy Michael Jackson (AMP) incriminates himself
— OH, NO. We’re already starting off very rough, with yet another “Michael Jackson In A Tree” variation, which I never like, and starring Amy’s baffling Michael Jackson impression, which I also never like.
— Ugh, the return of Maya’s annoying Latoya Jackson impression from that awful Latoya Jackson Show sketch in the preceding season’s Al Sharpton episode. And for some reason, Maya’s Latoya is using a more staccato voice in tonight’s sketch.
— Ugh again, there goes Maya’s Latoya mentioning that she’s “gig-a-ling” (giggling), which is something she kept saying throughout the aforementioned sketch in the Al Sharpton episode, and drove me nuts. Why does Maya’s Latoya always DO that bizarre “I’m gig-a-ling” thing as Latoya? Is it based on something the real Latoya was known for saying?
— I admit to getting a laugh from Will’s entrance as an adult Macaulay Culkin, just because of how he looks.
— Not caring much for all the various celebrity walk-ons.
— Ugh, yet another celebrity impression I never liked: Darrell’s Geraldo Rivera, which is actually an accurate impression, but SNL’s material for him never makes me laugh.
STARS: *½
MONOLOGUE
host goes backstage to show how cast members prepare for the show
— Interesting seeing a backstage monologue at this point of the show’s run.
— I did not like Maya and Will’s scene at all.
— Kenan In A Dress alert.
— I absolutely love Rachel’s scene, with her drunkenly and angrily telling off a photo of Tina.
— I was about to say how odd and random it is that Seth and Amy are said to be rehearsing a Little Sleuths sketch (a sketch that hasn’t made it to air since its first installment way back when Seth and Amy were only in their fourth episode), but then Hilary Swank tells us “They like to study their old scripts and go over them again and again.”
— Wow, Seth and Amy’s scene was pretty wild. Not sure it was all that funny, though. Seemed too desperate for my likes.
— While I like the format of this monologue, the execution of this is very hit-and-miss with me, with a few more misses than hits.
STARS: **½
GRAYSON MOORHEAD INVESTMENTS
the Grayson Moorhead investment philosophy produces uniquely bad results
— Wow. A very random revival of SNL’s excellent Grayson Moorhead Securities ads from 10 years earlier.
— Jim Downey is playing his role just as well as he did in ’95.
— Overall, this sadly turned out a little on the meh side. There were some laughs, and there was Downey’s typically-funny dry delivery, but this commercial as a whole couldn’t hold a freakin’ CANDLE to the fantastic original Grayson Moorhead ads. The humor here came off kinda desperate (there’s that word again in this review) and a lot less funny compared to the original ads.
STARS: **½
SHEILA CHOAD’S LOS ANGELES FACE
botoxed women have frozen features
— Judging from the random use of the last name Choad (if you don’t know what that word means, Google it, as I don’t feel like explaining it here, and you’ll see why) for Maya’s character, I take it this is a James Anderson-written sketch. IIRC, Anderson would later use the last name Choad for a character played by Kenan in a sketch from more recent years (I can’t remember the sketch, but it might’ve been a game show sketch). Plus, Anderson’s known for using random goofy and sometimes sexually-dirty last names for characters in many of his sketches in general.
— An okay-seeming premise spoofing how overboard women around this time were going with Botox injections.
— I’m now starting to get pretty bored with this sketch, despite amusing performances from everyone. The concept is just too thin to sustain a full 4-minute sketch.
STARS: **
GRAYSON MOORHEAD INVESTMENTS
Grayson Moorhead takes pride in its high risk, low reward track record
— Once again, funny dry delivery from Downey, but the dialogue itself isn’t very funny, especially in comparison to Downey’s hilariously absurd dialogue in the original Grayson Moorhead ads.
— This ad is going on too long for something so meandering and not all that funny.
— Overall, this was even more disappointing than the last one. There’s a reason tonight’s Grayson Moorhead ads aren’t remembered like the original ones are.
STARS: **
HOT PLATES
restaurant patrons are flustered by their unreasonably hot plates
— Ohhho, boy. I recall this being a notorious sketch among online SNL fans back when this era originally aired, as it was considered a nadir of this troubled season. I’ve seen some people come to this sketch’s defense, but I’ve always been on the side that absolutely HATES this sketch.
— One minute into this so far, and all I’ve being seeing is Horatio doing lots of hammy and unfunny bellowing of “HOT PLATES!” in an increasingly goofy-ass voice.
— I see SNL’s wasting Rob Riggle in a poor role as usual, relegating him to playing second fiddle to Horatio Fucking Sanz.
— This sketch needed to cast someone other than Horatio as the main waiter. He is playing this role the absolute WRONG way.
— Not liking any of the characters’ bad “comical” dramatics over how hot their plates are, nor am I liking any of the various special effects of the hot plates.
— Aaaaaand there goes our obligatory instance of Horatio cracking up at himself as usual. Fucking ugh.
— Blah. This sketch is SO dumb, and not the fun kind of dumb (like, say, the Monkeys Throwing Poop At Celebrities sketch I recently reviewed). More like “something that belongs on a lame kids show” kind of dumb.
— I particularly hate the gag right now with Amy being replaced by a skeleton, and Seth’s over-the-top screaming when seeing that. This already-terrible sketch has officially hit rock-bottom for me with that gag.
— Not even the reliable Will Forte could save this wretched sketch with his walk-on at the end as the devil. That devil bit was just as much of a lame cartoonish gag as the rest of the sketch was.
STARS: *
DEBBIE DOWNER
host’s former babysitter Debbie Downer sits next to her at the Oscars
— (*sigh*) As if the preceding Hot Plates sketch didn’t destroy me enough in its overt lameness, now we get FUCKING DEBBIE DOWNER. You guys know how I feel about this character.
— As always, I am absolutely STONE-FACED during Debbie Downer’s usual routine tonight, and continue to be befuddled over what a lot of SNL fans see in this character.
— What was with the lack of a “wah-wahhhhh” sound effect as the camera did a hesitant, half-assed zoom-in on Debbie Downer after her comment about how most of the deaths in the In Memoriam montage were preventable? That seemed like a blooper, but I’m not sure.
— Overall, wow. Even for a Debbie Downer sketch, this was fucking horrible. Not a single highlight to be found. At least the last two Debbie Downer sketches, which I hated, each had ONE highlight that I pointed out in my reviews.
STARS: *
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Olivia [real] perform “Candy Shop”
WEEKEND UPDATE
in Central Park, Tom Jankeloff (FRA) surveys opinions regarding The Gates
tired of being typecast, Morgan Freeman (FIM) is ready to do a love scene
— Lame opening joke from Tina about Michael Jackson.
— Another fun new Update character from Fred, and another one that ends up never becoming recurring.
— I love Fred’s way of shouting the words “The Gates” as “THE GYYYAAAAAATES!” That has stuck in my memory over the years ever since this episode originally aired.
— Another pre-taped man-on-the-street bit with Fred that feels like a nice throwback to the man-on-the-street bits Fred was known for doing in his early comedy days before he joined SNL.
— A funny inexplicable In Memoriam montage for Fred’s not-dead character.
— Fred continues to be a rare consistent highlight in this troubled season.
— Not a bad Michael Bloomberg/George Pataki/Harlem joke, but I hated Amy’s delivery of it. It was all wrong for this type of joke.
— Okay, I did like Amy’s on-point delivery of “Ugh, who cares?” during her Britney Spears joke just now.
— I love how the beginning of Finesse’s Morgan Freeman commentary is deviating from the normal format of Update commentaries, with an off-camera Finesse-as-Freeman narrating his own entrance.
— Solid turn in Finesse’s Morgan Freeman commentary, with him expressing a desire to finally do a love scene. I especially love his delivery of “I don’t wanna be Drivin’ Miss Daisy – I wanna be Ridin’ Miss Daisy.”
STARS: **
SEASONS OF LOVE
soap opera actress (host) receives crying lessons from coach (RAD)
— Chris is always perfect at humorously imitating the typical acting in soap operas. Yet another positive Phil Hartman-type trait that Chris possesses.
— Hilary’s first two crying attempts cracked me up, especially her gasping during the second crying attempt.
— Rachel is fantastic as the crying coach, and is stealing this whole sketch.
— This sketch is getting too reliant on mugging for my likes, but Hilary’s giving it her all, and I got a laugh from her random snorting during her finger-biting crying attempt just now.
— Yeesh, the successful crying take Hilary finally does was really dumb and fell completely flat.
— Very weak ending, though, again, Hilary showed commitment to it.
STARS: **½
CITY COURT WITH AARON NEVILLE
Aaron Neville (HOS) warbles more than he adjudicates
— A good imitation of Aaron Neville’s singing by Horatio.
— I like Chris’ voice in this.
— I recall thinking the bit with the gavel slipping twice out of Horatio-as-Aaron-Neville’s buttery hands was a genuine blooper when I first saw this sketch during its original airing, but I now see that it appears to be an intentional gag. The awkward way Horatio executed it and the fact that it resulted in YET ANOTHER obligatory instance of breaking from him (fucking ugh) is probably what made me think it was a real gaffe.
— The Seth/Finesse bit shown during the commercial break fell completely flat.
— Overall, despite a good Aaron Neville impression from Horatio, a funny juxtaposition of Neville as a judge, and some chuckles here and there, this sketch as a whole didn’t do all that much for me. Not awful, just kinda flat. I’m glad this never became a recurring sketch. (I remember thinking at the time this sketch originally aired that this was a poor man’s attempt at a Barry Gibb Talk Show-type of hit in the post-Jimmy Fallon era. Not sure I agree with that assessment of mine anymore, though.)
STARS: **
AFTER THE GRAMMYS
Marc Anthony (FRA) & Jennifer Lopez (MAR) redo their Grammys duet at home
— Oh, I am not liking Maya’s J.Lo impression AT ALL. It’s annoying as hell, and not in a funny or satirical way. Oh, and will someone please tell me why the HOLY FUCK Maya’s speaking in a very heavy Puerto Rican accent? Since when does J.Lo speak like that? If Maya’s only adding the Puerto Rican accent to make her J.Lo impression “funny” and “satirical”, it is absolutely not working. I also remember this being around the point where Maya’s constant singing on the show this season started increasingly getting on my and some others’ last nerve. (Maya sings at least once in literally EVERY SINGLE EPISODE in the second half of this season starting with the Paul Giamatti episode, I kid you not. I remember how much that irked the living hell out of me and a number of other online posters on an SNL message board back when this season originally aired.)
— This Marc Anthony role is a complete waste of Fred’s talents.
— Has Hilary been showing cleavage in every single sketch tonight?
— Hilary’s performance as Loretta Lynn is pretty fun, but I’m not caring for the material she’s been given at all.
— Yikes. What in the world happened when Hilary came running back into the room just now? She started saying a line, then suddenly stopped mid-sentence VERY awkwardly and then paused for an uncomfortably long time while looking at something off-camera (the last above screencap for this sketch; is she looking at the cue cards, perhaps?), then finally finished her line. WTF?!? Did she lose her place on the cue card or something? Whatever the hell happened, that was a PAINFUL moment. I’ve seen some people say they find this blooper funny and kinda charming, but this blooper just makes me cringe hard.
— That’s the end of the sketch?!?
— And the sketch is over, without me laughing a single time during it, nor understanding what the hell the premise or comedic conceit of it was even supposed to be. This overall sketch was fucking AWFUL, especially Maya’s very annoying and cringeworthy take on J.Lo, and Hilary’s also-cringeworthy blooper.
STARS: *
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Disco Inferno”
PROJECT RUNWAY
Heidi Klum (host) gives designers their latest assignment
— (*groan*) Now we get a parody of a reality show I have no familiarity with, which means I probably won’t get this spoof of it. We’ll see, though.
— Another pretty fun performance from Hilary.
— Maya’s bit as one of the Project Runway contestants got absolute SILENCE from the audience, while all the other cast members playing Project Runway contestants have gotten a big recognition laugh from the audience.
— As no surprise, I have no idea who any of these contestants being impersonated are, and they’re being impersonated in a way that seems to be mocking very specific things they’re known for doing/saying on Project Runway. Just as I was afraid of, this sketch is going completely over my head as an outsider to Project Runway.
— Hilary’s portrayal of Heidi Klum continues to give me my ONLY amusement in this sketch.
STARS: *½
GOODNIGHTS
IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— In a word: yikes. Not a good episode. AT. ALL. In fact, I don’t think I gave a passing rating to ANY segments tonight, which is a rarity in my reviews. In fact, it may be a first. (Hell, even in my notoriously low-rated reviews of infamous episodes like Paul Reiser and Deion Sanders from season 20, I at least gave a passing rating to Norm Macdonald’s Weekend Update.) And the absolute worst sketches of the night weren’t just bad; they were particularly and painfully awful (Hot Plates, an even-less-funnier-than-usual Debbie Downer, and After The Grammys). This may possibly be not only my least favorite episode of this season, but may also possibly be one of the worst episodes I’ve ever reviewed, even though it’s CERTAINLY not anywhere near as disastrous as the aforementioned Paul Reiser and Deion Sanders episodes. If I have to say anything positive about this episode as a whole, it’s that Hilary Swank, despite some faults, was a pretty fun and energetic host (much better than I remember finding her when this episode originally aired), who was unfortunately saddled with lots of poor material.
— As I hinted at the end of my last episode review, this episode pretty much BROKE me the night it originally aired, and caused me to reach my absolute boiling point with season 30’s poor quality. I had absolutely HAD IT with this season by that point. After suffering through this episode the night it originally aired, I basically threw my hands up in the air and gave up on this season. Oh, I continued to watch the rest of the season, but I had absolutely NO enthusiasm for the show anymore and would watch the remainder of season 30 with a very sour and miserable attitude (for example, going into every episode basically saying to myself “[*sigh*] Let’s get this over with”, which is never a good way to watch SNL), expecting everything in the show to suck. (I wonder if all of this is the same approach loyal SNL viewers took after reaching their respective boiling point with the notorious season 20 back when it was originally airing.) That negative way of viewing those episodes carried over into the episode reviews I did back then (link here), as most of my reviews for the post-Hilary Swank episodes of this season got more and more half-assed to the degree that, starting with the Cameron Diaz episode in April, I officially gave up on doing full sketch-by-sketch reviews that season, opting instead to just do extremely short “reviews” that only consisted of me quickly summing up each episode as a whole by listing the episode’s highlights and lowlights, and listing the sketches that each cast member appeared in that night (the latter of which was something I regularly did in my old reviews). That just goes to show you how much I hated this season when it originally aired – I, a dedicated SNL fan who had loyally been doing episode reviews for five seasons by that point, couldn’t even be bothered to do full reviews anymore during season 30’s final two months. Going back to me officially reaching my boiling point with this season after this Hilary Swank episode originally aired, what made my boiling point towards this season even worse is that, the day after this Swank episode originally aired, NBC premiered an “SNL: The First Five Years” documentary (the first of a chronological series of famous Kenneth Bowser-made SNL documentaries that each cover a decade of the show). Until this documentary aired, I hadn’t had much exposure to the original SNL era. Watching the documentary and discovering just how funny, fresh, innovative, and intriguing SNL was in the 70s made the then-current season 30 look EVEN WORSE to me than it already did, and made me FULLY realize the low effort SNL was putting into season 30, which furthered my frustration towards it.
MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS
HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Jason Bateman)
a big step down
My full set of screencaps for this episode is here
TOMORROW
David Spade