May 1, 2004 – Lindsay Lohan / Usher (S29 E18)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

PREPARATION
Dick Cheney (DAH) coaches George W. Bush (WLF) before 9/11 testimony

— It’s both odd and kinda redundant how this is the second consecutive cold opening with Darrell’s Dick Cheney preparing someone for their 9/11 testimony (Condoleezza Rice last time, President Bush this time).
— Will makes his first appearance as present-day Bush, after previously playing young Bush in a 1960s sketch.
— President Bush: “I’m George W. Bush, and I approve this muffin.”
— Dick Cheney to President Bush, regarding the public’s perception of him: “They think you’re like Rain Man… without the math skills.”
— Bush reading his answers off of his leg is really funny.
— Is it just me, or does Darrell’s Cheney voice sound kinda hoarse in this cold opening? Is Darrell under the weather this week?
— Some pretty good laughs from Bush’s various examples of body language.
— Will’s Bush impression continues to be a lot of fun and a big step up from both Chris and Darrell’s takes on Bush. It also helps that Will has been given better writing here than Chris and Darrell typically got in their respective Bush sketches.
STARS: ***½

MONOLOGUE
host, Hilary Duff (RAD), Avril Lavigne (AMP) end their respective feuds

— Seeing a young, baby-faced, loaded-with-potential Lindsay Lohan makes 2004 feel so long ago.
— Oh, the innocent days where the worst thing that could be seen about Lindsay Lohan in a tabloid is her little “teen queen” feud with Hilary Duff.
— The return of Amy’s Avril Lavigne, which never fails to amuse me. What makes it even more amusing this time around is the fact that Avril Lavigne is actually the musical guest in the very next episode.
— Chris: “When do you turn 18?” Hilary Duff: “(in a gleeful manner) Never!”
STARS: ***

TURLINGTON’S LOWER BACK TATTOO REMOVER
Turlington’s (CHP) Lower Back Tattoo Remover erases age-discrepant art

— A huge laugh from the time-lapsed sequence of a “Pretty Lady” tattoo on a thin woman’s back turning into the words “Pretty Sad” when her body has grown much older and saggier. I remember when this originally aired back in 2004, I didn’t even notice that the sagging tattoo read “Pretty Sad”, and thus, I didn’t understand why Chris subsequently said the line “Pretty sad indeed.”
— Great bit with Amy exclaiming “Mother(*bleep*)!” in response to the tattoo remover burning her skin.
— As usual, Chris is fantastic as the spokesperson.
— Very funny ending bit about Amy having a child from a crazy weekend in Jamaica.
STARS: ****

JARRET’S ROOM
stoner (host) moves in & meets a weed-smoking robot

— This ends up being the final Jarret’s Room sketch.
— I remember when tonight’s episode originally aired, I and some other online SNL fans were surprised that SNL didn’t save Jarret’s Room for the following week’s episode, given a certain weed-lover who’s hosting that night (you’ll see who it is at the every end of this review) and who seemed like he would fit perfectly into the weed-centric Jarret’s Room.
— Wow, DJ Jonathan Feinstein’s Britney Spears/Toxic bit got cut off surprisingly fast by Jarret. Was SNL afraid of giving some viewers certain “feelings” over seeing Seth in that bodysuit?
— For once, Gobi makes a straightforward entrance instead of one of his trademark weed-centric gimmicky entrances.
— Jarret mentions that he and Gobi are finally moving off campus after tonight’s episode. I recall how, when this originally aired, many online SNL fans took this as a sign that Jimmy’s leaving SNL at the end of this season. IIRC, Jimmy’s departure wouldn’t be publicly confirmed until earlier in the same day of his final episode.
— A funny asinine flashback sequence of something that we saw happen literally just a few seconds ago.
— The Will Forte-voiced weed-smoking robot is absolutely stealing this sketch and is making this easily one of the better Jarret’s Room installments. A good way for this recurring sketch to go out.
STARS: ***½

HOGWARTS ACADEMY
Hermione’s (host) newfound cleavage bewitches Harry Potter (RAD)

— Hoo, boy. Here comes a sketch that…uh, will certainly be…uh, interesting to discuss by today’s standards.
— And there famously walks in Lindsay as a cleavage-sporting Hermoine.
— As just a 19-year-old when this sketch originally aired during the less-self-aware year of 2004, I had no issue with SNL doing a sketch inappropriately centering around a 17-year-old’s cleavage. 19-year-old me even partook in this sketch’s male characters’ ogling of said cleavage, as much as I don’t want to admit that anymore. Now that I’m in my mid-30s and times have certainly changed, I’m able to recognize how troublesome this sketch is. It’s a shame that this sketch doesn’t hold up too well anymore, because I recall liking this sketch a lot back when it originally aired… and, no, not just because of Lindsay’s cleavage. 19-year-old me got a lot of laughs from the sketch’s humor, performances, and plenty of what I deemed to be quote-worthy lines. (Unfortunately, my old review for this episode that I did back in 2004 when this episode originally aired is lost, unlike most of the other season 29 reviews that I originally did back then.) The fact that Harry Potter was something I was never into, and yet this sketch could still get a lot out laughs out of 19-year-old me says a lot about this sketch.
— An amusing visual of Horatio entering in that wig and beard.
— Ugh, right after I give Horatio a compliment, he has to piss all over it by cracking up at himself as usual.
STARS: **½

RIDING WITH BILLY JOEL
erratic chauffeur Billy Joel (HOS) sings while driving recklessly

— A funny spoof of Billy Joel’s drunk-driving woes from around this time, even if it feels kinda wrong for SNL to spoof such a thing. (Then again, the Harry Potter sketch that I had just watched prior to this sketch has kinda numbed me to other cases of “wrong” humor on SNL).
— I’ve been one of Horatio’s harshest critics this season, and even *I* can admit that he’s doing a killer job in his portrayal of a drunken Billy Joel.
— A memorable blooper in which a mailbox that gets thrown onto the car from off-camera gets stuck on the windshield accidentally, which completely blocks the performers from the camera, leaving the female performers in genuine hysterics. Horatio solves this predicament with an ad-lib in which he leans out of the car window to his side and uses his beer bottle to shove the mailbox off of the windshield. Excellent save from Horatio.
— Speaking of the mailbox, I wonder if that’s the same mailbox that was used in a similar manner then-recently in the Donnie G. And Sidecar sketch from the Ben Affleck episode.
— Wow, a particularly over-the-top shriek of “YOU NEED HELP, BUSTER!!!” from Maya to Horatio’s Billy Joel.
STARS: ****

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest & Ludacris [real] perform “Yeah!”

WEEKEND UPDATE
list-loving Jorge Rodriguez (HOS) failed the GED test many times

— A very odd and unprecedented moment in SNL history occurs right now, in which, right as Jimmy’s about to deliver a joke (a Donald Trump joke, no less), a voice from a real audience member actually interrupts the show by audibly calling out “Hey, Jimmy?”, and Jimmy immediately turns towards the voice in the audience and responds “Yeah?” (which says something about Jimmy, as I feel most Weekend Update anchors would’ve just ignored an audience member calling out their name). The audience member then says what sounds like “Yeah, up here” (it’s hard to tell exactly what he said, as he’s speaking from quite a distance and obviously isn’t mic’ed), and Jimmy just goes “I’ll talk to you later on, my brother” and then ad-libs towards the camera “I hate when my father gets drunk” (which I swear is an ad-lib Jimmy also used in a previous Update, but I’m not 100% sure). There’s actually a backstory to this whole incident. According to an online comment in 2004 from an SNL fan who stood on the standby line to get tickets for this episode, there was a guy on the line who kept obnoxiously bragging to everybody that if he gets a ticket to the show, he’s going to make SNL history by interrupting the show from the audience and asking Jimmy Fallon a question during Weekend Update. Most of the people on the standby line probably assumed the guy was just bluffing, but as they later saw, he ended up following through on his word.
— The Bill Clinton book cover that SNL made up (first screencap below) reminds me a lot of a made-up book cover that SNL used in a presidential address cold opening that Darrell’s Clinton did in the Julianne Moore episode from season 23 (second screencap below).

— Meh, another Horatio Update commentary with him interacting with Jimmy, which almost always spells doom.
— Horatio’s at least not going off the rails with typical unfunny ad-libs and laughing-at-himself antics that his Update commentaries often feature, but ugh, this commentary with his character listing off a whole bunch of things is comedy death to me.
— When Horatio’s character asks if anyone’s seen his friend Pepe, Jimmy ad-libs “I think he was just up there”, pointing towards the portion of the audience that the aforementioned audience member who interrupted Jimmy earlier in tonight’s Update was seated. When the audience is laughing and applauding this ad-lib of Jimmy’s, Jimmy can be heard saying “He got removed”, acknowledging that the audience member got kicked out for his interruption.
— Tonight’s Update is doing quite a number of callbacks to bits Jimmy and Tina did earlier this season, such as Jimmy and Tina’s conversation about dirty Dutch terms, and the punchline of an STD joke being Jimmy turning to a side camera and saying “You’re welcome”.
STARS: **½

DEBBIE DOWNER
at Disney World, gloomy Debbie Downer (RAD) dispirits a family reunion

— Oh, here’s a VERY famous SNL sketch.
— My first laugh in this sketch comes from Kenan’s name being Billiam. Even just his delivery of that name is inherently funny.
— I like how the opening title sequence and theme music feel kinda like a throwback to SNL’s late 80s/early 90s era, which had tons of characters with their own opening title sequence and theme song. I recall this Debbie Downer sketch being the beginning of somewhat of a revival of title sequences and theme songs for recurring characters, as we’ll be seeing quite a number of them the following two seasons.
— Naturally, Jimmy and Horatio are the very first performers to break in this sketch (the fifth above screencap for this sketch), while the other performers initially remain unfazed.
— And there we go. Rachel’s line flub, “The media’s so sensitive there… so secretive…”, as well as Jimmy’s laughter at said line flub, is what officially causes Rachel to start losing it, setting off a chain reaction around the table. The famous widespread meltdown has officially begun.
— Wow. Just wow. It is truly something to see this sketch gradually meltdown so badly. Very unprecedented in SNL history up to this point. (Seems to be quite a number of unprecedented moments happening tonight). I’m usually against how unprofessional this particular SNL cast has slowly been becoming around this season, and of course, I’ve been very vocal of my dislike of the undeserved free rein Jimmy and Horatio are often given to carelessly derail sketches with their laughing and other unprofessional antics, but goddammit, everybody’s breaking is a fucking RIOT in this sketch, and their simultaneous laughter combined with the audience’s uproarious reactions is very infectious.
— What makes Rachel’s breaking here even funnier is the fact that, as part of the sketch, the camera has to frequently do “Wah-wahhhhh” zoom-ins on Debbie Downer’s face, and thus, we get lots of zoom-ins of Rachel fighting unsuccessfully to keep a straight face so she can do her character’s trademark deadpan looks into the zoomed-in camera.
— Now here comes one PARTICULARLY epic part, and the moment that, in my opinion, officially propels this sketch into legendary status: Rachel literally crying with laughter when struggling to deliver the big line “By the way, it’s official: I can’t have children.” A freakin’ classic moment.
— Another truly classic moment right now, with Horatio being seen using a fucking MICKEY MOUSE WAFFLE to wipe off his tears from laughter.
— Fred is the ONLY performer keeping a straight face (aside from what appeared to be genuine giggling from him after he and the others posed together for a photo). According to an SNL fan who went to this episode and was also among a crowd of people outside 30 Rock getting autographs from cast members after the show, Fred, while giving autographs, was asked why he didn’t join in on his fellow performers’ laughing in the Debbie Downer sketch. Fred explained that he had no clue why they were laughing and he didn’t feel that he should laugh just because THEY were laughing. A very admirable display of professionalism from Fred. Too bad it wouldn’t last, though, as his later seasons on the show are quite fraught with breaking from him, especially whenever he teams up with Bill Hader.
— Overall, a historic, legendary, and hilarious meltdown among the performers, with a few very memorable and great little ad-libs, making this sketch an all-timer. I can definitely see some people finding this sketch overrated, but for me, this sketch deserves the hype.
— It’s really too bad that the importance and novelty of this sketch is slightly diminished by the fact that SNL would turn this into a recurring sketch later on – a bad decision. It should’ve been obvious to SNL that the only reason this first Debbie Downer sketch was such an instant hit is because of the huge extent that the performers broke during it. The written material itself was only mildly funny at best. And the very tepid, blooper-less second installment of this sketch, in the following season’s Ben Affleck-hosted season premiere, pretty much bombs with the audience and further proves how not-so-great the written material behind Debbie Downer always was, and how wrong it was for SNL to assume people wanted to see more of these sketches without the performers breaking.
STARS: *****

CLUB TRAXX
hook of young pop duo D.A.D.I. (RAD) & (host) is lesbianism

— Ugh, this sketch once again. This thankfully ends up being the final installment.
— The clip of Amy performing dance music onstage (the second above screencap for this sketch) truly looks like something straight out of Deep House Dish, a recurring sketch that SNL would debut a few seasons later (and would draw my ire, as I I recall absolutely despising those sketches with a fiery passion back when they originally aired). It even looks like Amy’s performance in this Club Traxx sketch is using the exact same Deep House Dish performance stage and exact same Deep House Dish onscreen graphic of the  singer’s name and title of the song they’re performing, though I’m only going by my memory of what Deep House Dish typically looked like (I haven’t watched an installment of that sketch in ages).
— I’m getting a pretty good laugh from Will’s open-shirt performance.
— The D.A.D.I. stuff with Rachel and Lindsay is doing nothing for me.
— Nothing else to say so far. I’ve complained enough about this recurring sketch in past installments, and am ready to happily see this sketch enter retirement.
STARS: *½

SLEEPOVER
hyper preteen Kaitlin (AMP) welcomes sleepover veteran (host) to her home

— The debut of another recurring sketch that I recall despising with a fiery passion back when it originally aired. I’ll try to go into this debut with an open mind tonight, as I’ve seen some people make a good case when defending this recurring sketch.
— This recurring sketch debut was cut from the preceding episode, where I assume host Janet Jackson played the same role Lindsay is playing here.
— I’m actually finding a slice-of-life-ish charm to this sketch, just like defenders of this recurring sketch always claim it has. I especially like the charm of Amy-as-Kaitlin’s interactions with Horatio’s Rick, particularly when he helps get her out of a lie she told Lindsay regarding having a pool. Also, as people always point out about these sketches, it’s astounding how the usually breakable Horatio is consistently able to keep a straight face at Amy screaming in his face.
STARS: ***

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Burn”

17TH ANNUAL ADULT MOVIE AWARDS
fear of FCC produces truncated broadcast

— Some pretty good cheap laughs from the endless barrage of fictional porn star names.
— I like the little joke of some non-porn-star celebrity names being thrown into the mix, such as Jimmy Kimmel and SNL’s own Darrell Hammond.
STARS: ***

GOODNIGHTS

---

IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A fun episode; in fact, it’s easily one of the more upbeat episodes of this season. This episode wasn’t perfect, but, unlike a lot of this season’s episodes, it had a consistently entertaining and fun vibe that made even some of the misfires more forgivable. There were even some all-time memorable and funny bloopers, such as the Billy Joel mailbox-on-the-windshield incident and the entire Debbie Downer sketch.

MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Janet Jackson)
a mild step up

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW
Snoop Dogg