February 21, 2004 – Christina Aguilera / Maroon 5 (S29 E13)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

HARDBALL WITH CHRIS MATTHEWS
Gary Bauer (CHP) & Rosie O’Donnell (HOS) debate gay marriage

— A lot of technical screw-ups with the name graphics early on in this sketch, as seen in some of the above screencaps.
— Horatio’s Rosie O’Donnell is starting to approach the same levels of annoyance for me as Horatio’s Elton John.
— Interesting how Darrell is playing dual roles here, with his Arnold Schwarzenegger being pre-taped.
— Hmm, Darrell’s usually-off Schwarzenegger impression actually sounds better than usual in pre-taped form. Maybe SNL has finally found the solution in improving Darrell’s Schwarzenegger.
— Darrell’s Schwarzenegger is basically just repeating same lines about gays that he said in the cold opening from this season’s premiere.
— This season’s streak of forgettably average Hardball sketches sadly continues. It’s becoming more and more obvious that the glory days of Hardball being a sure-fire killer sketch are behind us.
STARS: ***


MONOLOGUE
after declining requests to “whore it up,” host performs “Beautiful”

— Pretty good bit with Christina Aguilera calling Jimmy out on the acute/askanky joke he did about her on Weekend Update earlier this season, complete with a clip of said joke.
— As I said in an earlier episode review, the joke of Lorne playing a horndog towards the host and/or musical guest has gotten overplayed. Also, this monologue is starting to feel like Part 2 of Halle Berry’s monologue from earlier this season, and I already disliked Part 1 enough.
— When Lorne asks the guys “Who’s that?” in regards to Finesse, and is then told “That’s the new guy, Finesse”, I love Lorne incredulously asking “We hired a guy named Finesse?!?”
— At least Christina’s singing of “Beautiful” (a song she already performed on SNL a year prior) isn’t being done as a full-fledged musical performance with her going to the musical guest stage.
STARS: **½


SEX AND THE CITY
finale has punny Carrie (AMP) & shemale Samantha (host)

— An absolutely PERFECT Samantha impression from Christina. Shockingly good.
— Some good laughs from Rachel’s poor handling of the obviously fake baby she’s holding.
— I’m having a hard time buying Amy as Sarah Jessica Parker.
— This comedic premise of Samantha coming out as a “tranny” will probably not hold up well with a lot of people nowadays. However, Christina is selling it so damn hard that it’s still working for me, even if I’m not finding this material quite as hilarious as I remember finding it in 2004.
STARS: ***½


DO YOU KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS?
snotty scions ply privilege on game show

— Feels like we haven’t seen an original game show sketch like this in quite a long time, though I’m probably forgetting something.
— Chris doing his usual solid and low-key-funny work as a game show host.
— Seth’s accented, high-pitched delivery of “Do you know who my father is?” was so over-the-top that it cracked me up.
— Will: “I can’t even GO to Switzerland. Stupid date rape trial!”
— Despite some laughs, this sketch as a whole is pretty forgettable.
STARS: **½


TV FUNHOUSE
“Fun With Real Audio” by RBS- banal showbiz questions haunt Pat O’Brien

— Robert Smigel apparently continues to be very busy elsewhere, as this is surprisingly on his THIRD TV Funhouse of the season.
— Oh, geez, what is with SNL’s Access Hollywood obsession this season? I’ve gotten so sick of these frequent Access Hollywood parodies that not even Smigel can make me excited to see another one.
— I guess I see what this cartoon is going for, but this isn’t working much for me.
— Not even the part with the Dalai Lama beating up Pat O’Brien made me laugh much.
— Meh, the joke about O’Brien being dropped down to hell, which turns out to be Access Hollywood, felt like an inferior version of a joke used in a David Brenner-starring TV Funhouse from season 23.
— Overall, I seem to be in the minority, but I did not care for this cartoon.
STARS: **


CELEBRATION OF WOMEN WEEK
in 1880, liberated (host) challenges stuffy women to flout the status quo

— An out-of-the-ordinary use of Darrell’s Phil Donahue impression. Reminds me of his Jack Perkins hosting that jazz profile show sketch from the preceding season’s Queen Latifah episode.
— Rachel’s old-timey dignified accent and facial expressions are very funny.
— Great exit line from Chris: “If you need me, I’ll be discussing negroes in the brandy room.” Reminds me of his great exit line from the Governess sketch in the Andy Roddick episode earlier this season: “Your mom and I have some bedroom-related things to work out.”
— Some funny lines from the women about how oppressed they’ve always been.
STARS: ***


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “This Love”


WEEKEND UPDATE
ignorant white guy WLF is ill-suited to honor Black History Month

— I like the fake-out with Kenan being introduced for a Black History Month commentary, only for Will to unexpectedly show up in his place while Kenan’s name still gets displayed in a graphic on the bottom of the screen.
— A great line with Will rude answer to Tina’s question of why Maya can’t do the Black History Month commentary: “Tina, it’s not Half-Black History Month.”
— Hilarious part with Will calling out individual black audience members to wish a happy Black History Month to.
— Will is so damn fantastic in this Black History Month piece, and it’s so nice seeing him get to shine while playing himself for once. Moments like this really solidify what a strong secret weapon he is on SNL in these early years of his.
— A nice little shoutout to Bill Murray during Jimmy and Tina’s sign-off, with Jimmy wishing Bill luck at the Oscars, as he was up for Best Actor for Lost In Translation. (He would end up losing and would famously have an openly bitter reaction.)
— Another short Update, for the second episode in a row.
STARS: ***


YOU GOT SERVED
Venice Beach teens serve up lame moves during a low-stakes dance-off

— The beginning of this sketch feels oddly silent. It feels like there should be background music or something.
— Boy, I can tell I’m going to hate this sketch. This feels like a variation of that very unfunny Wade Robson Project sketch from this season’s premiere. Sketches like this epitomize some of the MANY problems I have with this 2003-2005 SNL era.
— Blah. Not a single one of these dance moves from any of the performers is funny. At least in the Wade Robson sketch, we only had to sit through a dance sequence from three performers. This sketch, on the other hand, has, like, seven performers who’s individual dance sequence I have to suffer through.
— There goes Maya using that lean-all-the-way-back-in-a-staccato-manner dance move ONCE AGAIN. She’s taken a once-hilarious dance move that was great when she debuted it in that MTV Spring Break sketch with her and Cameron Diaz, and has completely run it into the ground by this point of her SNL tenure.
— Christina’s dance sequence came off just plain lazy compared to the rest of the cast (or maybe she forgot that her dancing is supposed to be COMEDIC), which is ironic, as she has far more professional dance experience than any of the cast members in this sketch.
— Not even Will could save this sketch with his goofy walk-on at the end.
STARS: *


DRESSING ROOM
host rejects “skank” tag implicit in well-wishers’ backhanded compliments

— Kenan In A Dress alert.
— Finesse’s Al Reynolds constantly being referred to as Stedman is making me laugh, even though it kinda feels like a hacky joke.
— Some of the many sexual euphemisms being said to Christina are funny, but this sketch in general isn’t all that great and and feels too repetitive.
— Another instance this season of Horatio pulling a Chris Farley and crashing through a breakaway table. Meh. However, I did like Amy’s Sharon Osbourne explaining to Christina why Horatio’s Ozzy fainted: “You made Ozzy think!”
STARS: **½


BESOS Y LAGRIMAS
maid (host) inspires kisses & tears in telenovela

— This sketch makes its debut and would go on to appear VERY sporadically within the next six(!) years just about every time SNL has a Hispanic host. Speaking of which, I recall hearing that tonight’s installment originally got cut after dress rehearsal from the preceding season’s Salma Hayek episode, which Christina was the musical guest of.
— The bizarre nature of this sketch is cracking me up, as are the increasingly over-the-top dramatic close-ups of characters.
— The format of this sketch is almost starting to give me a very unwanted reminder of the future Californians sketches (a very polarizing recurring sketch that I despise with the fire of 1,000 suns), but this is miles funnier to me.
— When the camera showed a (very funny) close-up of an eyepatch-wearing Chris during the current sequence of each character being shown in a dramatic close-up, why didn’t he say “Helena” like everybody else is saying in their respective close-up? Was that an intentional joke?
STARS: ***½


HUGGIES THONG
— Oh, you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. We’re only a little over halfway through this season, and this is the FOURTH DAMN TIME this commercial has been shown this season. Ridiculous. This may possibly have broken the record for most frequently repeated fake ad in the shortest amount of time, until season 31 eventually comes along and replays the living fuck out of that Morgan Stanley ad (the one with Will angrily chewing out Amy and then-newbie Andy Samberg as if he’s Amy’s father, only for him to be revealed as Amy’s family’s Morgan Stanley guy) within just the first few months of that season.


FIRING SANDY
(CHP) fires childishly insubordinate employee (WLF) for absenteeism

— I love the bizarre opening conversation Chris has with Amy regarding his lunch order.
— Hilarious how Will claims that he took one of his many sick days because he had the Elephant Man’s Disease.
— The insane dialogue in this sketch is having me howling.
— After one of Will’s many utterances of “No way, Jose”, I absolutely love Chris angrily responding “Stop using my first name, it’s disrespectful!”
— I’m surprised this sketch is over already, after only about two minutes, but this was a good length.
— Not only was this the usual fantastic Oddball Will Forte Sketch, and not only was this Will’s second strong showcase in tonight’s episode alone, but it was also great to see him paired with Chris (who, like Will, is one of the secret weapons of this cast, only SNL seems far less aware of that than they are with Will), who more than held his own in this sketch. Between the great U-S-Amen bit from the preceding season and now this sketch, I’m starting to think that the Forte/Parnell comedy duo is something we viewers needed to see MUCH more often than we do in this era.
STARS: ****½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Harder To Breathe”


DON’S APOTHECARY
apothecary Don’s lack of discretion creates more customers for Walgreens

— The second and final installment of this sketch.
— Blah. Much like last time, this sketch is just a series of unfunny sophomoric jokes. In other words, typical unfunny Horatio Sanz jackassery, which I am beyond sick of by this point of his SNL tenure. I mentioned in my review of the first installment of this sketch that Horatio intended for these Don’s Apothecary sketches to be a relatable, slice-of-life piece that he based off of something from his own childhood. I appreciate the idea he had behind these sketches, but it is so sad that THIS is the result of his attempt at a so-called “relatable” and “slice-of-life” piece.
— Maya got a good laugh from me with her delivery of “It’s for the vagina, baby.”
— Another funny Maya line, with her telling Rachel “You go ahead and buy your ‘gina cream, baby.” She’s becoming the sole highlight of this entire sketch.
— Ugh, another Walgreens twist at the end. It wasn’t funny in the first installment of this sketch, and it’s just plain lazy to just repeat it a second time. Thank god this ends up being the final installment of this lousy recurring sketch.
STARS: *½


GOODNIGHTS

— After I had just shit on Horatio in my review of the last sketch, I will say that I appreciate the fun bit during these goodnights with him driving his motorized cart (from the last sketch) around outside of the home base stage. You rarely see anything out of the ordinary like that happen during the goodnights by this point of SNL’s run.


IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A mixed bag. There was about an equal amount of things I liked and disliked… actually, the latter probably slightly outnumbers the former. Can’t think of anything else worth saying about this episode.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Drew Barrymore)
a slight step up


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
Colin Firth