November 10, 2001 – Gwyneth Paltrow / Ryan Adams (S27 E5)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS
George W. Bush (WIF) quells Muslims’ misgivings by dispelling some myths

— Good touch with the Arabic subtitles. This reminds me of an address-the-nation cold opening that Dana Carvey once did as Bush Sr. that also used Arabic subtitles, directed to the Iraqis.
— A pretty funny line with Bush mentioning “former Minnesota Vikings receiver Ahmad Rashad” as an example of how many prominent Americans are Muslim.
— Some good laughs from Bush’s debunking of various myths, particularly the whole bit about dying if you burp, fart, and sneeze at the same time.
— A nice alteration of the “Live from New York…” sign-on, with Will’s Bush delivering it in Arabic. Speaking of which, this entire cold opening would later be replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns, and it has Will’s Bush saying “Live from New York…” in plain old English instead of Arabic. Some SNL episode guides incorrectly claim that reruns show the live version of this episode’s cold opening, but just re-dub Will’s Arabic LFNY with an English one.
STARS: ***½

OPENING MONTAGE
— In addition to the cold opening, the theme music would also be replaced with the dress version in reruns. I’m not sure, but I think the following monologue would be too (if not, then I’m probably thinking of the Boston Teens sketch that follows the monologue).

MONOLOGUE
host & overshadowed childhood friend MAR sing “Flashdance”

— Nice how Gwyneth Paltrow is bringing out her best friend since childhood who also happens to also be a member of the then-current SNL cast.
— Fun to see childhood pictures of Maya and Gwyneth together.
— Some amusing awkwardness between Maya and Gwyneth after Maya excitedly says “It’s almost like I’m hosting with you!”
— Funny running gag with Maya turning out to have always played a maid.
— I remember how rare it felt at the time to see Maya get such a big showcase as herself, since she had rarely played any roles on SNL that were remotely like herself up to that point, and I had yet to see her interviewed on talk shows.
— Quite a lot of genuine charm in this monologue, even though this isn’t consistently laugh out loud funny.
STARS: ***

FORMAL
at the fall formal, Sully scoffs at Denise’s friend’s (host) troubles

— After the preceding monologue ended, we got a cool transition to this sketch by the camera panning from the monologue to the set for this sketch. Reminiscent of what SNL did after the monologue in season 25’s Christina Ricci episode.
— An interesting setting for the Boston Teens, and a rare occurrence of us not seeing them in their usual outfits.
— Funny bit about vodka-soaked hot dog buns.
— Something about Gwyneth’s performance seems kinda off.
— I remember Tina’s appearance in this came as a big surprise to a lot of us viewers back then, as it was still very rare at the time for Tina to make a non-Update appearance in which she plays a character. It’s also interesting seeing her appear in this sketch knowing that she co-writes these sketches with Rachel and originally performed the Boston Teens with Rachel back in their pre-SNL improv days.
STARS: ***

GEMINI’S TWIN WEEKEND
Gemini’s Twin & newest member (host) ride the wave of USA patriotism

— Pretty funny CD cover for Gemini’s Twin’s “America The Bootyful”.
— In these last two installments, I’ve gotten pretty tired of this sketch.
— I will say that Ana’s voice and delivery as this character always makes me laugh.
— Gwyneth is at least fitting in much better with Maya and Ana than Jennifer Lopez did in the last Gemini’s Twin sketch to have a host play a third member of the group.
STARS: **½

BIRTHDAY PARTY
Mrs. Attebury is insensitive toward man of Middle Eastern heritage (CHK)

— This on-again off-again recurring sketch makes its final appearance. Interesting how this sketch has only been performed 4 times, yet still managed to span over Ana’s entire SNL tenure, appearing from her first season to her last.
— In passing, Gwyneth’s character mentions someone named Charlie McKittrick and his wife. This is actually an inside self-reference on Ana’s part (assuming she wrote this sketch herself), as Charlie McKittrick is the name of her real-life husband. Ana also namedropped him in a Culps sketch from two seasons prior.
— Will’s deadpan performances as this character, while okay, continue to not work for me nearly as well as Mark McKinney’s original performances as this character did.
— A good laugh from Ana and Gwyneth telling Chris’ character that, as a Persian-American, he must not know who to root for in this war on terror.
— Lots of other funny inappropriate, insensitive questions and statements that Chris’ character is bombarded with by Ana and Gwyneth’s characters.
— Over the course of me reviewing this late 90s/early 00s era, these Attebury’s sketches have really grown on me gradually. I remember kinda slamming the first installment of this sketch, only for me to end up gaining more and more of an appreciation for both Ana’s characterization and what these sketches bring with each passing installment.
STARS: ***½

TV FUNHOUSE
by RBS- Michael Jackson’s entourage tries to curb his pedophilic habits

— Speaking of an on-again off-again recurring piece that first appeared in Ana’s first season (season 22) and spans over many seasons…
— A hilarious bizarre group of friends that MJ is casually shown with. I especially like a bloated, mumbling, overeating Marlon Brando, a gray-bearded Webster, and Liz Taylor’s arm.
— I always love the tastelessness of these Michael Jackson cartoons, as well as the spoof of classic Hanna-Barbera animation that these contain. I am feeling, though, that tonight’s cartoon, while still solid, isn’t quite as strong as the last Michael Jackson cartoon that Robert Smigel did years prior.
— Uh, wow. Quite an ending to this, with MJ landing butt-first on a flagpole, and it curing him of his pedophilic tendencies.
— This cartoon would later be removed from the NBC reruns of this episode and be replaced with a previously-unaired unrelated TV Funhouse cartoon that I assume was cut after another episode’s dress rehearsal.
STARS: ****

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “New York, New York”

WEEKEND UPDATE
TIF offers a pizza party to the first airport guard to catch a terrorist

defiant Rudolph Giuliani (DAH) declares himself NYC mayor-for-life

Jasper Hahn completes drawings related to the war against terrorism

— A solid and fun Jimmy/Tina side segment with their Pizza Party Against Terrorism announcement.
— I always crack up whenever Darrell’s Rudy Giuliani says “Go Yankeeeees!” in a dopey deep voice.
— Kinda interesting in retrospect seeing Michael Bloomberg being referenced and impersonated back when he wasn’t very well-known yet.
— A nice callback to the “Neuharth Awards” bit that Jimmy and Tina originally did in an episode a year prior. They seem to be trying to make this an annual routine whenever the Neuharth Awards occur, but I believe this ends up being the last time this routine appears on the show.
— Our first time seeing Jasper Hahn since the Colin Quinn era of Update.
— Jimmy’s not believable at all as an uptight straight man to Jasper Hahn, because you just KNOW this is going to soon devolve into the usual Fallon/Sanz gigglefest.
— Dammit, the poor visual quality of the old VHS rip I’m reviewing of this episode makes it very hard to see Jasper Hahn’s obscene drawings (as evidenced in the above screencaps).
— Yep, and there’s goes the obligatory Fallon/Sanz giggling and hammy overacting.
STARS: ***½

DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY DINNER
at dinnertime, gangsta-wannabe daughter (AMP) vexes irritable patriarch

— The first installment of this sketch with Sarah Michelle Gellar is fantastic and an all-time favorite of mine, but did they really need to bring it back? And FOUR SEASONS LATER at that??? Speaking of which, it’s odd how tonight’s episode is bringing back so many sketches that either appear very infrequently and/or last appeared years prior (The Attebury’s, Michael Jackson cartoon, Jasper Hahn, and now this).
— Yeah, so far, this sketch is paling horribly in comparison to the original installment. They’re even having Will yell inferior variations of his classic “I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!” line from the first installment.
— Just now, when Gwyneth said “Shut up, biotch”, she actually sang the word “biotch”. Very random, but absolutely priceless. Unfortunately, the version of this sketch that a lot of people nowadays are probably familiar with seeing (especially in SNL’s Thanksgiving compilation specials) is actually the dress rehearsal version, in which Gwyneth doesn’t sing the word “biotch”, but instead just says it normally, which is nowhere near as funny. Also, this makes me wonder if her singing “biotch” in the live version was an ad-lib. None of the other performers are seen smirking in response or anything, but then again, Will and Ana are usually always total pros.
— By the way, as you can tell by how many alterations I’ve pointed out this episode having in reruns, this is quite a heavily-altered episode in reruns. There are more dress rehearsal substitutions than usual, and there’s the whole thing with the Michael Jackson TV Funhouse cartoon being replaced with a completely different cartoon.
— Another difference between the live and dress rehearsal version of this Dysfunctional Family Dinner sketch is that, in the dress version, whenever the family argues over each other, Gwyneth oddly does her yelling DIRECTLY AT THE CAMERA, in an apparent attempt to be funny.
— Overall, yeah, SNL should’ve just left the original Sarah Michelle Gellar-starring Dysfunctional Family Dinner sketch alone. This attempt at a sequel was just sad, in my eyes.
STARS: **

MANGO
Mango & high school sweetie host recall “Summer Nights”; Matt Damon cameo

— Right out of the gate in this sketch, we get an absolutely SPOT-ON and very funny Hugh Grant impression from Seth. He even looks just like him here. Between his heavy dominance and strong performances in the preceding episode and now his Hugh Grant impression tonight, Seth has been showing A LOT of promise lately. I remember having so much hope for him at the time. This makes me sad in retrospect, knowing what his SNL tenure would actually go on to be like (hint: I am not too big a fan of a lot of stuff he would go on to do on the show).
— (*groan*) And here comes Mango.
— During Gwyneth’s 80s high school flashback, I wonder if Maya is supposed to be playing herself as Gwyneth’s friend, given that we know Maya and Gwyneth were real-life childhood friends.
— During the many 80s pop culture references in Gwyneth and Maya’s conversation in the aforementioned 80s high school flashback, what was with the Crystal Pepsi mention? Wasn’t Crystal Pepsi not around until the early 90s?
— Jeff makes his ONLY appearance of the entire night in a pre-taped scene, and all he did was briefly walk on with some other guys and then IMMEDIATELY walk off, not having any dialogue at all. This is the second episode in a row in which he had no lines.
— Speaking of cast members who have been invisible these last two episodes, Tracy Morgan. Also, he’s been stuck in nothing but effeminate roles these last two episodes, oddly enough.
— Yikes, Gwyneth completely missed her cue to sing her first verse during her duet with Mango, a gaffe that’s sadly far more interesting and funny to me than most of this sketch.
— Ana has been getting good airtime tonight, which is very refreshing, considering the big decrease in airtime she had been experiencing this season.
— Ana: “Let’s go, Lavert.” “Will: “Okay, Gwyneth’s agent.”
— Matt Damon cameo.
— Matt Damon’s getting some chuckles out of me here. You can already see some of the solid potential that he would later show when hosting in season 28. (I don’t know how he did in his season 44 episode, as I have yet to see it, but I’m assuming he did another good hosting job there.)
— Funny bit with Matt and Gwyneth acknowledging that this is the first time they’ve seen each other since they broke up, before Gwyneth goes “Wait a minute, you’re not the one I went out with!” Great way to end this sketch. Odd how this Mango sketch had such a strong beginning (with Seth’s Hugh Grant impression) and ending, but everything in between was the usual weak Mango dreck.
STARS: **

FIESTA POLITICA
Donald Rumsfeld (DAH) is out of place at Telemundo show

— Believe it or not, this is the FIRST and ONLY non-recurring sketch to appear all night… at least at the time this episode originally aired. This sketch would later become recurring, which means that, when looking back at this episode in retrospect, this episode is comprised ENTIRELY of recurring sketches. The Rosie O’Donnell episode from season 22 is, I believe, the only episode in SNL history to be comprised entirely of sketches that were already recurring at the time.
— Maya has been a little more dominant than usual in tonight’s episode, for obvious reasons.
— A spot-on and and amusing parody of wacky Telemundo variety shows, and Maya is leading this sketch well.
— I like the out-of-place inclusion of Darrell’s Donald Rumsfeld, who has no idea what the hell he’s doing here.
— Tracy’s streak of playing nothing but effeminate roles these last two episodes continues. What’s going on?
— Despite being an excuse for mugging, the occasional cutaways to an extreme close-up of Horatio’s face saying a one-liner are making me laugh in this particular context, as it fits the sketch well.
STARS: ***

MY BIG THICK NOVEL BY JACK HANDEY
mauled by a lion in chapter 507

GOODNIGHTS

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— An okay episode, but not particularly great. The quality took a hit with the first few post-Weekend Update sketches (Dysfunctional Family Dinner and Mango), but other than that, the quality was just decent for most of the night. It rarely rose above that, though. Aside from TV Funhouse, there weren’t any segments at all that I gave a rating over three-and-a-half stars to.

MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (John Goodman)
a step down

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW
Billy Bob Thornton