November 3, 2001 – John Goodman / Ja Rule (S27 E4)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

PRESS CONFERENCE
John Ashcroft (DAH) alarms the press with vague warnings about terrorism

— Interesting seeing newbie Seth Meyers right at top of the show, getting to start off this cold opening as Brian Williams. There’s a fairly funny part with his Brian Williams briefly pausing to mug the camera in a stone-faced smug manner.
— Darrell’s John Ashcroft voice is making me laugh.
— A big laugh from Darrell’s Ashcroft casually saying “Also, in the next three days, there’s probably gonna be a terrorist attack in our nation” before nonchalantly beginning to walk off.
— Always funny to see Ana’s Helen Thomas impression in these press conference sketches.
— Funny recurring bit with Ashcroft always looking down at the sheet of paper in his hand to confirm exactly how soon another terrorist attack will happen after also trying to convince us that he doesn’t know when it’ll happen.
— Good line from Chris’ Anthony Fauci about how the only protection given to post offices will be some baby wipes and a dustbuster.
— Chris’ delivery to Maya of the line “I haven’t been in New York in weeks! You think I’m crazy?!?” is very funny, as is the ensuing mocking faces that he and Darrell make at each other in regards to Maya.
STARS: ****

MONOLOGUE
Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Byung-Hyun Kim (CHK) gets host off the hook

— John doesn’t look too well here, and his voice sounds pretty bad. He must be under the weather. I remember this scaring some online SNL fans into worrying for the future state of John’s life, as they were reminded of how Chris Farley notoriously came off in the 1997 episode he hosted two months before his death. I recall feeling that that comparison was a bit much, as John’s not coming off quite THAT scarily unhealthy in this monologue.
— For some reason, John claims that this is his 13th time hosting. It’s actually only his 12th.
— Odd casting of Chris as Byung-Hyun Kim. Chris doesn’t look REMOTELY believable as an Asian man. (Then again, who in this season’s cast would? Horatio, I guess, but he’s not exactly the appropriate weight for this particular role of Byung-Hyun Kim.) At least they didn’t go the Molly-Shannon-as-Soon-Yi-Previn route and give Chris freakish-looking prosthetic eyelids that attempt to make him look Asian but instead make him look like a damn alien.
— Some okay topical lines from Chris’ Byung-Hyun Kim regarding his infamous performance in a recent World Series game.
— Overall, this was a pretty nothing monologue. I know that was the point, but it didn’t work. This monologue was way too half-assed, and way too proud of how half-assed it was.
STARS: **

HERBAL ESSENCES
shampoo spurs distinctively male orgasms

— A good way to spoof the ridiculous orgasmic feminine Herbal Essences ads.
— Will’s hilarious orgasm sounds and faces are really making this commercial. He’s having me practically rolling on the floor.
STARS: ****

HUDSON VALLEY COMMUNITY CIRCUIT
(DAA) interviews unfortunately-named victims of September 11th backlash

— Dan Aykroyd! That hair, tho.
— A solid comedic conceit with all of the guests each having unfortunate names that pertain to our 9/11 enemies.
— As much as it pains me to criticize Dan Aykroyd (my personal favorite of the original Not Ready For Prime Time players), his comically put-off facial reactions to what others are saying throughout this sketch are not working for me. He’s overplaying it, and the drawn-out long pauses he keeps making during those facial reactions aren’t helping.
— I love Dean’s sly delivery of “Afghan hash” when revealing what he and Jimmy deal in.
— Pretty funny bit with Dean and Jimmy’s hash dealers bragging about how their business has actually been doing better than ever after 9/11.
— A rare fun performance from Darrell in a non-impression role.
— Hilarious ending involving Dan innocently opening an anthrax-laced letter from an envelope.
STARS: ***½

LIBERTY MEDICAL SUPPLIES
Liberty Medical spokesman Wilford Brimley (host) neglects his own health

— John’s unhealthy-sounding voice throughout tonight’s episode is actually fitting this sketch well.
— Hilarious line from John’s Wilford Brimley about hiding his food boner in his Bermuda shorts.
— Another very funny line from Brimley, about how he hates oatmeal because “it always seems like somebody ate it first”.
— Excellent ending spiel from Brimley about how he’s going to get off of his horse by “getting onto a smaller horse, then onto a large dog, until I’m near enough to the ground to roll off.”
— Great sketch overall.
STARS: ****½

SHE’S THE GIRL WITH NO GAYDAR!!!
Nicole, The Girl With No Gaydar (RAD) is oblivious to sexual orientation

— Hoo, boy. The debut of THIS sketch. I used to find these sketches hilarious when they originally aired, back in the days when “lol, gay stereotypes = funny” was more accepted and also didn’t become hacky and overused by SNL in my eyes yet (though looking back at this era, there was more hacky gay humor than I had remembered), but I’m guessing this sketch hasn’t aged well at all.
— Rachel’s performance is still holding up as fun, and the theme song kinda is too. But the broad gay stereotypes from the male cast? Not so much.
— I’m guessing this sketch is the handiwork of writer James Anderson, the openly-gay SNL king of broad gay stereotype sketches. I remember someone on an SNL board once calling him a Stepin’ Fetchit for gay people. Ouch!
— Oddly, this ends up being Will’s final appearance of the entire night, and we’re only about 25 minutes into this episode. A shockingly light episode for Will.
STARS: **

E.P.T
college students (SEM) & (AMP) sweat result of pregnancy test

— Great to see a pre-taped ad where the only performers are two newbies.
— Seth: “I think I’m more nervous than Karen.” Amy: “Kelly.” Seth: “Kelly.”
— Funny interruption with Seth taking a phone call regarding his fantasy football draft.
— Our very first display of the fantastic chemistry between Seth and Amy.
— I feel like I say this about a lot of pre-taped ads in this era, but the style, camera angles, and visual details of this commercial are such a spot-on parody of the type of ads this is spoofing.
— Great little part with Amy expecting a kiss when Seth leans in, only for Amy to disappointingly realize that he’s merely reaching for his jacket.
— Amy’s ending line, after finding out she’s not pregnant: “I’m so psyched I’m not gonna get fat.”
STARS: ****½

CBS EVENING ANTHRAX UPDATE
Dan Rather (DAH) projects journalists’ health

— A promising idea for a sketch, given the great Dan Rather election sketch that SNL did the preceding season.
— A particularly funny announcement that Geraldo Rivera “has anthrax…. both kinds.”
— Great line about conservatives being disappointed that Katie Couric DOESN’T have anthrax.
— The hilarious announcements keep coming, with Wolf Blitzer having both anthrax AND rabies, Walter Cronkite having scurvy, and Andy Rooney having cholera from drinking stagnant water from an air conditioner.
— My god, this sketch just keeps getting funnier and funnier, with Rather now announcing that the cast of Friends has head lice.
— Dan Rather, on Jennifer Aniston’s lice-filled hair: “Her hairdo has more unauthorized guests than a Mexican Motel 6.”
— Dan Rather’s preface to one particular big announcement: “Carl, go down to the basement. Mabel, get in here, take your clothes off, and put these shoes on. Also, the hat. Now put one leg up on that chair, arch your back, and listen to this, ’cause it’s a humdinger.”
STARS: ****½

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Always On Time”

WEEKEND UPDATE
Red Sox fan SEM will root against the Yankees in order to help them win

postal workers Mighty Mack & Elwood Blues sing “The Letter”

— Tina’s whole “Bitch, I can’t be any more alert” rant towards John Ashcroft’s high alert warning is fantastic. One of Tina’s most defining moments on Update, in my eyes.
— Seth in his very first Update commentary. Considering he’s only in his fourth episode, I like that Seth is getting to do an Update commentary as himself, which is especially surprising because, as far as I know, he’s not a stand-up.
— Kinda hard to believe this is the same Seth who would later become an Update anchor. He looks, sounds, and comes off so different and youthful in tonight’s Update commentary compared to how he would generally come off as an Update anchor.
— Seth, on how everyone and everything that Boston roots for loses: “If Boston rooted for gravity, we’d all be floating three inches off the ground.”
— Another great line from Seth, again in regards to Boston always jinxing what they root for: “Right now, Donald Rumsfeld is in West Roxbury, Mass., trying to convince eight guys named Murph to root for the Taliban.”
— This Update commentary of Seth’s is really defining his Red Sox fan persona that will become a recurring aspect of his subsequent Update commentaries as himself.
— Great bit with Seth calling out several individual Yankee players and harshly insulting them in an attempt to reverse-jinx them, because he wants them to win the World Series.
— Overall, Seth knocked it out of the park (no pun intended) with his first Update commentary. I’m not a fan of a lot of stuff he would later go on to do on SNL, but he has shown A LOT of promise in tonight’s Update commentary.
— Tina, regarding Will Smith calling himself human Viagra: “Well, if you mean you’re becoming a huge dick, I think I agree with you.” Two things about this great joke: 1) In dress rehearsal, the joke was actually delivered by Jimmy instead of Tina. 2) This joke would later be removed from NBC’s rerun of this episode (not sure about the syndicated 60-minute reruns on cable). I’m not 100% sure why the joke was removed, unless NBC just had a problem with the use of the term “huge dick”.
— Lots of strong jokes from Jimmy and Tina tonight.
— Interesting to see the Blues Brothers doing an Update commentary. This is, I believe, the only time on SNL where the Blues Brothers have done more than just perform a musical number.
— Boy, John’s hoarse, unhealthy-sounding voice tonight has now gotten even worse. I think I’m now starting to understand why people were making comparisons to a near-death Chris Farley.
— Huge laughs from Elwood Blues’ long, wordy, heated rant ending with “…smooching each other’s ball sacs, getting their compulsory beards all tangled up in each other’s ass hairs!” Fantastic delivery from Dan there, showing that he still has that great ability to impeccably deliver very wordy dialogue.
— Fun how we got to see the Update set being taken apart for the Blues Brothers to perform on the home base stage. However, as I said in my review of the Blues Brothers’ monologues from John Goodman’s seasons 20 and 23 episodes, I’ve never been a fan of the post-John Belushi Blues Brothers, and their performance tonight is doing nothing for me. To say nothing of how terrible John’s hoarse voice sounds during his attempts to sing here.
— I recall once seeing a dress rehearsal photo of tonight’s Blues Brothers musical number, and the photo showed the Blues Brothers being accompanied by Maya, Ana, and Rachel as backup dancers dressed in sexy postal worker uniforms. That appearance from Maya, Ana, and Rachel would be cut from the live version of this musical number. Wonder why.
STARS: ***½

AMERICA UNDERCOVER
trashy white couple (CHK) & (AMP) in domestic dispute

— I remember when this sketch originally aired, the exaggerated, slow-paced, slurred voice that Chris was heard speaking in during the opening 911 phone call honestly made me assume for one moment that Chris was playing… well… a mentally challenged character. This had me thinking (even back in these less-PC days of 2001) “Oh, god, is SNL really gonna go there?” Thankfully, I was wrong, and it turned out Chris was just playing a goofy white trash character.
— Great white trash voice from Amy.
— John, to Amy, after she claims that static electricity isn’t real: “Ma’am, static electricity is real. It’s real as toothpaste. You should learn about ’em both.”
— Another funny line from John to Amy, this time when he rejects her sexual advances: “I got a beautiful wife, and I can’t go home smelling like Jack Daniels and Easy-Off.”
— A noteworthy gaffe where, when Dean holds Chris upside-down, one of the leg holes of Chris’ briefs opens up, almost giving us a clear view of what’s inside the front of Chris’ briefs (the third-to-last above screencap for this sketch). Yeesh. This near-wardrobe malfunction humorously results in Chris fearfully placing his hands on his briefs immediately afterwards, all the while the audience laughs hysterically. Dean’s extremely uncomfortable facial expressions during this part (which probably isn’t acting) while having his face awfully close to Chris’ barely-covered crotch is cracking me up.
— Funny bit about how Amy once gave up her big toe so Chris can have something to replace his thumb with after losing it in a firecracker accident.
— Wild sequence with Amy licking/sucking on Chris’ big toe-thumb.
STARS: ***½

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Livin’ It Up”

BAD CONCEPTUAL THEATER
Leonard Pinth-Garnell offers monkey-authored play

— A surprise return of Leonard Pinth-Garnell and the recurring “Bad (insert type of play here)” sketches from the original SNL era! Very welcome to see this sketch appearing in a newer SNL era. Not sure how tonight’s installment will stack up against the originals, but I’m assuming the original writer(s) of these sketches came back to guest write tonight’s installment.
— Some good laughs from the actors’ nonsensical dialogue and ape-like actions when acting out a monkey-written play.
— Good visual of a monkey playwright being brought onstage during the “introducing the cast” segment at the end.
STARS: ***½

LITTLE SLEUTHS
kid detective Bookie Newton (SEM) helps (host) solve a grisly case

 

— Wow, Seth in yet ANOTHER sketch tonight? After doing little-to-nothing that was noteworthy in his prior episodes, he’s been having a great night and has been dominating this episode.
— Now we also get Amy in ANOTHER sketch tonight, who, like Seth, has surprisingly been dominant in tonight’s episode. Considering this is only their fourth episode as mere featured players and it was unsure at the time just how their SNL tenures would turn out, Seth and Amy have been having an amazing night, and have also gotten more airtime tonight than any of their far-more-established castmates. I remember how fun and exciting it was for us SNL fans at the time to witness this breakout night for two newbies, and it gave most of us a lot of hope for Seth and Amy potentially taking over as SNL’s next two biggest leaders in the future, especially with Will and Ana seemingly being on their way out (Ana in particular, who’s airtime has sadly taken a real hit this season so far). In retrospect, though, I cringe over the fact that a lot of us once thought Seth had the potential to fill in Will’s shoes. As the dreadful season 30 would later show us, SNL’s attempt to make Seth the male leader of the cast would be a failure.
— Funny cutaway to Seth and Amy’s speechless kiddie reactions to the gruesome details they’re told of a murder.
— Solid and fun characterizations from both Seth and Amy here, and we’re getting another display tonight of their strong chemistry together.
— (*groan*) There goes Horatio almost breaking once again for no apparent reason, during his angry rant after spitting a chunk of sandwich out of his mouth. He’s almost ruining the goodwill and momentum of this sketch.
— Seth: “I just learned how to masturbate, so I kinda wanna get home.” Also a great bit afterwards with Amy trying to figure out what “masturbate” means, by breaking down the word: “’master’ means to be in control, and ‘bait’ means a small worm.”
— SNL would later attempt MANY TIMES to make this sketch recurring, but it would always end up getting cut after dress rehearsal, until Seth and Amy apparently just gave up. One of the many cut-after-dress installments of this sketch would later be shown as a bonus feature on, I believe, Amy’s “Best Of” DVD.
STARS: ****

GOODNIGHTS

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IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A very strong episode. There was very little that didn’t work for me, and quite a lot of what did work was exceptionally great. John Goodman, despite health issues he appeared to be dealing with, still tried and he performed well enough, even if, as usual, he was overshadowed for most of the show. He did have one particularly good showcase tonight, though, with that strong Wilford Brimley sketch, one of John’s greatest sketches ever. This ends up being John’s final hosting stint for TWELVE YEARS, shockingly. I know I recently ranted in my review of John’s season 25 episode about how questionable it is that SNL kept bringing him back as a host on such a frequent basis, year after year for eleven consecutive seasons, but damn, that certainly doesn’t mean there needed to be a TWELVE-YEAR gap between two of his hosting stints. (And I recall his long-awaited hosting stint after that twelve-year gap being a big disappointment, with him being saddled with lame material like “The Three Wise Guys”). However, I think I recall him once saying in an interview during that gap that he feels he’s getting too old and out-of-shape to still be hosting SNL regularly. But still, a TWELVE-YEAR absence???

MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS

HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Drew Barrymore)
a big step up

My full set of screencaps for this episode is here

TOMORROW
Gwyneth Paltrow