Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars
AMERICAN IDOL
awful contestants want to be the next William Hung
— Though a typical hammy Horatio Sanz performance from around this time, his ridiculous singing of “Jenny From The Block” is making me laugh. I also think one of his dance moves here would later be recycled by him in the opening title sequence of the Carol sketches from the following season.
— Ehh, Horatio’s talking-to-the-judges bit is going on too long.
— Fred exuberantly singing with a voice box is hilarious.
— Another funny use of Rachel’s everlasting deformed baby character, and it’s nice to see this character say “Live from New York…” for once.
STARS: ***
MONOLOGUE
KET brings Chihuahua Jose Cuervo to chat with host’s dog Tinkerbell
— The first words out of Paris Hilton’s mouth in this monologue: “That’s hot.” UGGGGHHHH. Talk about immediately setting a bad tone for tonight’s episode.
— Not sure I care for the focus of this monologue being the dogs communicating with each other, but then again, if this is SNL’s deliberate way of giving Paris very minimal airtime in her own monologue, then I guess I can’t complain much.
— Blah. As it turns out, I’m not sure how much better of an alternative this dog conversation monologue is. I’m not laughing much here.
STARS: *½
CHEAPKIDS.NET
cheapkids.net offers shoddy kids items for parents who can’t be bothered
— Why does the name Gary B. Anthony sound familiar to me?
— Some pretty good laughs from the cheap childrens items on display, especially the pre-owned pacifiers.
— A good dark ending with the sound of an off-camera power drill starting up shortly after the baby sticks the drill’s plug into a socket.
STARS: ***½
VERSACE SKIING
in Switzerland, Donatella Versace (MAR) skis with host & Elton John (HOS)
— Ugh.
— Surprisingly, this is the first Versace sketch in an entire year. I guess even SNL themselves have realized how extremely played-out these sketches have become.
— I admit to getting a laugh just now from the stock footage cutaway of “Versace” skiing.
— Only 13 minutes into tonight’s SNL episode, and Paris has already said the word “hot” WAY too much. I know “That’s hot” is her famous catchphrase and everything, but come the hell on.
— Oh, god. There goes the typical unfunny back-and-forth parade of “bitch” utterances that usually occurs in a Versace sketch during an argument between Versace and someone else.
— Maya’s utterance of “Get out” after pushing Paris off the slope came off particularly half-assed and too thrown in as an afterthought.
— Ugh, cue Horatio’s Elton John and a whole bunch of obligatory, lazy gay sex jokes.
— Maya’s Versace seems more self-aware than usual in this installment.
— What was with the “To be continued…?” ending. When this episode originally aired, that “To be continued…?” ending of this sketch scared me into thinking we were getting a continuation of this wretched sketch later tonight. Thankfully, that turned out to not be the case, but it also renders the “To be continued…?” ending pointless and random.
STARS: *½
PURSE SHOPPING
(host) & Starkisha vie to buy purses that are out of their price ranges
— Oh, god. Starkisha. Between Versace and now this, is tonight’s episode breaking out ALL of my least favorite recurring sketches of this era? As if Paris hosting wasn’t enough to make this episode unwatchable for me.
— Finesse In A Dress alert.
— After Paris fools Starkisha by pulling a “rabbit season, duck season” move on her during their back-and-forth arguing, I love Kenan telling Starkisha “Yo, you just Bugs Bunny-ed!”
— Paris isn’t believable at all here as a character who would balk at a purse being very expensive.
— Most of the phone conversation between Starkisha and Kenan fell flat for me.
— I love Seth’s deadpan wallet check. Kenan subsequently doing a “black” version of the same thing didn’t work and his delivery was weak.
STARS: **
CHEAPKIDS.NET
cheapkids.net says “When it comes to your children, why pay more?”
— A funny opening visual of Seth and Amy’s horribly sunburnt children.
— A lot of laughs from the spelling errors in the displayed baby book.
— Some more decent dark humor, much like the first cheapkids ad.
— Both of these cheapkids ads have ended so awkwardly, with absolutely no applause from the audience.
STARS: ***½
EXCLUSIVE CONNECTIONS
phone sex line caters to fantasy & sci-fi geeks
— A very solid concept.
— A lot of laughs from the various phone sex conversations and how they’re each relating to a specific sci-fi show/movie.
— A particularly funny part with Horatio’s Star Trek geek giving himself a “Vulcan nerve pinch”, even causing a rare crack-up from the usually-professional Maya.
— Very well-done sketch overall.
STARS: ****
TRUMP FAMILY
Donald Trump’s (DAH) new wife Melania (host) meets his children
— In an episode hosted by Paris Hilton, I don’t need to be reminded of another nightmare SNL host: Donald Trump.
— All of Trump’s kids being portrayed as speaking just like him feels like a bit of a precursor to SNL’s later Walken Family Reunion sketch.
— Seth’s Trump voice actually isn’t bad. Not too sure about Fred or Maya’s attempts, though.
— This “Trump’s kids talking like him” gimmick has already gotten old, as it’s too thin a premise, without the fun hook of the aforementioned Walken Family Reunion sketch.
— What’s the point of the repeated gag with Paris-as-Melania’s rising big skirt revealing her legs whenever she sits down?
— Overall, didn’t care for this.
STARS: *½
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Somewhere Only We Know”
WEEKEND UPDATE
Donovan McNabb’s (FIM) mother (KET) makes Super Bowl predictions
(FRA)’s fellow munchkin (RAD) falls from the Weekend Update desk
hometown fans AMP & TIF do a Point-Counterpoint about Super Bowl matchup
— Kenan In A Dress alert.
— A pretty good laugh from Kenan-as-Charline-McNabb’s blunt comment about how the Eagles are gonna get their asses whooped without Terrell Owens.
— Well…this segment with Fred and Rachel as random tiny characters is certainly different.
— I do love the nod to SNL’s past, with Tina’s line about how Fred and Rachel’s tiny characters have been in SNL’s studio since the 70s after crawling up with Elliott Gould’s mustache.
— Not sure I care for the ending of the Fred/Rachel commentary, with Fred’s character trying to get the ladies to do perverted moves.
— This Point/Counterpoint between Tina and Amy, with them using the regional accent of their respective hometown of Philadelphia and Burlington, New England while debating each other about the then-upcoming Eagles/Patriots Super Bowl, is basically a little-known precursor to a very famous sketch SNL would later do in a Natalie Portman-hosted episode from 2018, in which 18th century colonists from Philadelphia and Boston have a heated debate with each other about their respective towns, making many illusions to 2018’s then-upcoming Eagles/Patriots Super Bowl. Tina even cameos in that sketch as one of the Philadelphia colonists, though instead of getting an Amy cameo as one of the Boston colonists, we get a cameo from also-real-life-Bostonian Rachel.
STARS: **½
MERV THE PERV
flashback shows cheerleader (host) nearly went to prom with Merv The Perv
— I always get a kick out of that theme song.
— Interesting change of pace with us seeing a flashback of Merv The Perv in 1985.
— The way Paris is positioned feels odd and awkward, with the way she’s facing and speaking right into the camera instead of facing Seth and Chris while speaking to them all throughout this sketch. I’m assuming she was given directions to face and speak into the camera, but it still makes no sense to me.
— The usual funny one-liners from Merv The Perv.
— At the end of this sketch, while Merv is saying his ending one-liner into the camera, Paris walks RIGHT PAST THE CAMERA, blocking Chris for a millisecond.
STARS: ***
CHEAPKIDS.NET
cheapkids.net sells expired children’s medications at rock-bottom prices
— Chris has been getting a lot more airtime than usual tonight. This is very nice to see after he’s been VERY invisible the last few episodes prior to this. Tonight’s episode happens to be on Chris’ birthday (February 5), which almost makes me wonder if that’s the reason for his increase in airtime, but I doubt it.
— Like the last two cheapkids ads, some good laughs throughout this, though I’ve pretty much run out of things to say about these ads.
— Aaaaaand again, this ends without any audience applause, though it didn’t feel quite as awkward this time.
STARS: ***½
RAFAEL ALONZO’S I.T.F. TECHNICAL COMPUTER INSTITUTE
Rafael Alonzo (FRA) can’t overemphasize your need to learn computers
— I’ve always found this one-off performance from Fred to be very memorable and hilarious, especially his delivery of “You have to learn computeeeerrrrrs!”
— This is the SECOND consecutive episode in which Rob Riggle makes his only appearance of the night doing practically nothing with no lines at all. Jesus Christ, SNL. Just when it seemed like he was finally starting to get funnier and funnier roles, with Leviticus in the Robert DeNiro episode and Howard Dean in the Topher Grace episode, SNL has to suddenly interrupt his good progress by reducing the man to being nothing but a non-speaking extra for two consecutive episodes.
— I love the listed-off things of incredibly basic computer things the institute teaches you.
— An overall intentionally simplistic, dumb, and silly sketch, but I found it to be very funny. Fred excels at making offbeat stuff like this work in these early years of his SNL tenure. Like a lot of what Will Forte does, this type of Fred Armisen sketch is probably an acquired taste, but it’s right up my alley. Stuff like this is why, back when this season originally aired, I considered Fred and Will to be the only two consistently-reliable saving graces of this weak season.
STARS: ****
INSIDE BARBIE’S DREAMHOUSE
vintage Barbie (AMP) catches Ken (WLF) cheating with a new Barbie (host)
— Odd how this one-off sketch from a 2002 Britney Spears episode has returned after THREE SEASONS. I guess SNL brought this sketch out of the mothballs tonight because they figured Paris would be very fitting in a literal plastic role like Barbie.
— Like last time, good detail in the way the doll characters stiffly walk and move their limbs.
— For some reason, that visual of Amy-as-Barbie’s dot-filled bald spot on her head made my skin crawl (the fourth above screencap for this sketch).
— A laugh from the visual of a Paris Hilton mannequin turning her head all the way to the other side.
— I like Amy’s Barbie sternly asking Will’s Ken if Paris’ Barbie showed him her “Made In China”.
— I could do without the tedious running gag of a commercial jingle playing every time a Barbie accessory is mentioned.
— Did I just see Paris blatantly use her real right arm to grab back her fake right arm after it got pulled off?
— Overall, despite some laughs, there were a lot of things in this sketch I didn’t care for, and the sketch as a whole didn’t work anywhere NEAR as well as the solid first installment of this sketch with Britney.
STARS: **
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Everybody’s Changing”
BAR
Yinzer (SEM) gets nowhere while trying to pick up (host) in a NYC bar
— A character piece for Seth in a bit of a slice-of-life vein.
— Boy, Paris is particularly wooden as hell in this sketch, even for her standards.
— I don’t like the running bit throughout this sketch with Seth leaning in for a kiss with Paris.
— Not a bad characterization and voice from Seth, and I appreciate the attempt at a realistic, somewhat slice-of-life piece, but ehhh, this sketch is not doing much for me. I guess sketches with one loser speaking endlessly to a silent and disinterested attractive woman he’s sitting next to at a bar or cafe never work for me, as there was previously a Dan Aykroyd/Jane Curtin sketch with that premise in season 2’s Karen Black episode, and I didn’t care for that sketch in my review of it (in which I even made a comparison to this Seth Meyers/Paris Hilton sketch).
STARS: **
BEAR CITY
by T. Sean Shannon- an anthropomorphic ursine buys cigarettes
— A much simpler gag than the great Christmas Carolers edition of Bear City that last appeared, but this is still funny enough.
STARS: ***
GOODNIGHTS
IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A pretty weak episode, but far from the outright disaster I had remembered it being. There were more things that worked than I had recalled, and not quite as many duds as I had recalled. Paris Hilton also wasn’t quite as outright stiff or monotone of a host as I had remembered, aside from the Bar sketch, but she was still very one-note and added absolutely no value to the show. It also has to be acknowledged what an absolute NIGHTMARE behind the scenes she reportedly was throughout the week of this episode.
MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS
HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Paul Giamatti)
a big step down
My full set of screencaps for this episode is here
TOMORROW
Jason Bateman
Downey wrote the cheapkids.net ads.
I saw this episode live and while it’s obviously not great, I remember being a little surprised at the time by the very negative backlash.
I liked Fred’s computer sketch, but I remember at the time thinking “they will make this recurring and change the word ‘computer'” and I will absolutely hate it. I guess the “Maaaarble columns” guy is kinda like this.
Yeah, I see a lot of people—even people who worked on the show—treat this like it’s one of the all-time worst episodes, but it’s not. It’s not even close.
Obviously Hilton was a weak host, was horrible behind the scenes, and they had to kinda write around her, but it’s not a disaster on-screen. Aside from her flat delivery, she doesn’t derail the episode in any substantial way. I think people’s perception of Paris Hilton just as a public figure in general bled into their perception of this episode (which is fair.)
Still, it’s not a good show, but there are a few S30 ones that are just as bad, if not worse (Jason Bateman, Kate Winslet, and Johnny Knoxville come to mind.) Versace, Starkisha, and the Trump stuff is par for the course for this time period. I do remember liking the sex hotline sketch though, and I have a soft spot for that Keane album.
Gays in Space makes its debut in the next one…get your barf bags ready….
Is Paris Hilton still a thing? I feel like I haven’t heard her name mentioned in years.
She still does modeling and is a DJ now.
I’m probably making this sound like a bigger deal than I should, but to this day, this remains one of Only 2 episodes of SNL since 1994 that I didn’t watch either live or recorded on my VCR/DVR overnight to watch the next day. But unlike the other one (Claire Danes in ’97, which I missed because I forgot to set the tape for recording), this one I flat out REFUSED to watch, even after it reran.
It took me many years to actually watch the sketches (what few of them there are available, anyway) on NBC’s site; and while I do concede that there wasn’t that much to worry about in retrospect, I remember thinking to myself that just the notion of having Hilton on was the lowest point the show would ever reach–Yes, even lower than season 6, 11, 20 and TWO Donald Trump appearances–Thankfully, Hilton is pretty much a non-entity in this day & age, but flash-in-the-pan/”ratings stunt” hosts always bothered me, because even though they’re clearly in it to give the show a ratings spike (whether they have any talent or not), it deprives anybody watching of actual talent that could’ve taken that host’s place instead.
This episode is sponsored by Chris Parnell’s and Will Forte’s legs…and I am in no way unhappy about that.
As others have already said, I think Paris Hilton has such a negative reputation (and the cast and writers are happy to talk about what a pain she was) that this episode is seen as a disaster because of her. I would say, even though it’s rough, I find it easier to watch than a number of eps in these years, especially the one that is coming right after it. And while Hilton is not much of a host, she does try for most of the night – a few of the sketches (Merv the Perv and Barbie) have issues that seem to affect the cast as well so I’m not sure how much blame to put on her for those.
Cheapkids and the elves both remind me of Ebersol era pieces – the elves moreso before they get into the cheap jiggle humor. I think part of the reason for the lack of response to the former is because it’s so out of the norm, even for the cheesy baby-themed ads of these years.
(speaking of Update, the bad gay jokes were flying even more than usual, as was the stumbling from Tina and Amy)
It feels like they dusted off a lot of their D-list recurring material alongside some other pieces that probably never would have made it out of dress, like Seth’s 10-to-1. I had more appreciation for Seth’s performance this time around – he really was trying, and he did a pretty good job. I wish they’d brought this back when he hosted.
(by and large, outside of the boring Kerry impression, I think Seth’s done well at having one of the more central male roles this season – the main problem is that SNL should never have one or even two male leads [or female leads] and works best as an ensemble)
My favorite piece of the night was the Barbie sketch. Again it had some issues with the direction, but it’s the type of Amy performance I enjoy most, Will is good, and there are some good melodramatic lines (“you are turning this dream house into a nightmare house!”). I’m also a sucker for that cheesy Jem line. And you also get traumatizing body horror as a bonus, if you’re into that (the woman in the audience going “eww” at the Paris doll head turn is really something). Only the tired, stereotypical Maya Bratz bit at the end weighs it down a little.
For a good while I thought this was the first reference to Doctor Who SNL ever had, before remembering through your recaps that Ian McKellen was dressed as Tom Baker in his episode. This WAS the first after Doctor Who came back on the air. I wonder at times who was writing the nerdy sketches of this era.
Anyway, Joey Buttafuoco, whose cameo blemishes an episode I’m extremely fond of (John Turturro) claimed he was supposed to be in the cold open, but that Paris threw a fit and led to his appearance being canceled. I guess that would explain why they had such a lazy American Idol cold open (something I rarely enjoy on here as I don’t think you can parody a show that basically was a parody). I can’t say I blame Paris if this is true. The New York Post even seemed to have the script:
https://nypost.com/2005/02/06/paris-wiltin-pouty-princess-nixes-buttafuoco-spot-on-snl/
There are a number of interviews around with the cast talking about Paris, but this may be the one with the most alum involved:
I believe this actually beat nu-Who to the punch by a couple of months
Exclusive Connections was the one sketch I really remember and I also remember really enjoying it…
I can’t stand Horatio’s Elton John. I hate it as much as Carol.
Sorry for the double post but I also forgot to say at least the musical guest was great. I highly recommend Keane.
This episode should have been a fiasco on the level of Steven Seagal or President Pencildick, but it turned out to be yet another wildly uneven Year 30 show. The “CheapKids.net” runner is probably Downey’s best work all season. “Exclusive Connections” was one sketch I didn’t care for, but I grew to like with time. Also, the debut of Tina’s Leia costume.
In a 2010 interview panel at the Paley Center, Seth reveals that he wrote a sketch called Paris Hilton’s Crab Shack in the same vein of Trump’s House of Wings and Tom Brady’s Falafel City. It got picked during read through and apparently got cut on Friday because Hilton’s publicist didn’t like all the STD jokes in it.
In Tina’s interview on Howard Stern she mentions that Hilton wanted to do a sketch where she makes fun of girls she hates and that she hated that Jessica Simpson made fun of her when Simpson hosted last season. Someone wrote an Access Hollywood sketch that got cut at dress where Billy Bush (Seth) interviews Joe Simpson (Parnell) about his daughters Ashlee, played by Rachel and Jessica played by Paris.
Maybe the Access Hollywood sketch was cut to avoid upsetting the Simpson family. Who knows?
Also, could the dislike towards Paris from the S30 cast and crew play into how later celebrities like Kim Kardashian never got to host SNL?
I think it may be more that hosts like Paris were generally out of the norm for SNL until this period. I remember a rumor somewhere that within a few seasons of SNL, Lorne didn’t even have Dolly Parton host as she didn’t fit the image he had of an increasingly hip show (Dolly would of course go on to host in 1989). This is probably also why they never decided to, say, have Fawn Hall or Zsa Zsa Gabor or other headlines of the day host.
I think Andrew Dice Clay is the first real shock value host, a precedent which has different flavors until we get to rock bottom in 2015.
If Paris had been well-received, I guess it could have opened up the doors for a Kardashian, but I think she was mostly the last gasp of a certain small window of time, and maybe of the type of image of the show (along with Lohan and all the pop culture references) Tina and others thought they needed to stay relevant. Once Andy Samberg came in, they were able to go back to making themselves relevant.
Maybe they learned from it, although Kim did cameo in a live episode of 30 Rock.
Agree that this episode may not be as bad as its reputation, and the bigger issue is Hilton herself. This show averages a 5.4 rating — tied with John Candy’s season 9 show, Ron Howard’s from season 8, and Christina Aguilera from season 29 (among others).
If you remove the Cheapkids pieces, it only averages a 5 — on par with Drew Barrymore from season 29, Bernie Mac (s28) and the infamous Jason Patrick show (s19), among others.
Apparently, according to recent interviews with Hilton, the dumb blonde was all an act.
I think Gary B. Anthony is almost a match to current Whose Line is it Anyway alum Gary Anthony Williams. (Side Note: The first Whose Line alum to actually host an episode is actually also the first MadTV alum to host an episode: Keegan Michael-Key, unless you count Robin Williams.)
Also man those Cheapkids.net ads kinda make me remember my pretty neglectful parents. They weren’t completely insane like Seth and Amy, but you know, they are pretty bad. I can still laugh at them though.