December 12, 1992 – Glenn Close / The Black Crowes (S18 E9)

Segments are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars

COLD OPENING
Queen Elizabeth (MIM) lists the terms of the Charles & Di separation

— This starts off with no context given for what Mike’s Queen Elizabeth is talking about; she just immediately launches into a listing-off of “Charles will keep (insert thing here), she will keep (insert thing here).” I’m aware that this is about the separation between Prince Charles and Princess Diana, but I wonder if other viewers watching this in reruns are lost at first.
— I’m liking how the listed-off terms of the separation are getting more and more outlandish, such as Charles and Diana’s son Henry being raised by apes, and Diana doing a porn scene with Fergie.
STARS: ***


OPENING MONTAGE
— Dana Carvey has been removed from the montage, though he hasn’t officially left the cast yet. We will not be seeing him make any appearances tonight, nor will he be appearing in the next episode (though he IS credited in the montage in that one).


MONOLOGUE
people from host’s hometown sing a “Silver Bells” variant with her

— Unique monologue with Glenn bringing out actual community workers from her hometown. Very generous and classy of Glenn to do this.
— I particularly like the part with the self-described incredibly shy market owner mouthing along to a dubbed singing voice.
— An overall very charming and fun monologue.
STARS: ****


WHAT’S THE BEST WAY?
game show features directions-giving New Englanders

— Funny Boston accents here. Adam is especially nailing his and has been having lots of funny lines.
— I love Phil’s rambly, more old-fashioned New Englander.
— Some good laughs from Glenn always trailing off into travel tips during her answers.
— Tim’s bushman character speaking with tongue-clicking sounds would go on to be something that Tim would always do whenever he would speak in African language during sketches.
STARS: ****


COFFEE TALK WITH LINDA RICHMAN
sister Judy (host) discusses Linda’s daughter’s engagement

— Two drag roles for Mike in just the first half of tonight’s episode alone.
— The return of this sketch is, to me, the one downside of Mike’s return after his long hiatus.
— Some self-deprecating humor with Linda Richman complaining about her daughter Robin’s non-Jewish fiancee, as Mike Myers is referring to himself there, considering the Linda Richman character is based on the mother of Mike’s then-fiancee Robin.
— As usual, I didn’t care for this overall sketch, but it was at least fairly short.
STARS: **


A MESSAGE FROM MICHAEL EISNER
Michael Eisner’s (PHH) holiday reminder- don’t forget about tax increases

— I liked Phil-as-Eisner’s greeting: “Last week, I made 200 million dollars. How are you?”
— A VERY brief sketch that ended almost as soon as it began. This felt almost pointless, even if it did have one or two funny lines.
STARS: **


BAND SHOT
going to commercial, KEN & G.E. Smith [real] play guitar


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Sometimes Salvation”


WEEKEND UPDATE
KEN gives a subliminal editorial about British royal family’s troubles
Operaman sings, is reunited with brother (JOL) & his new wife (host)

— Kevin’s subliminal commentary on the royal separation was merely good; a step below the usually great Mr. Subliminal material. I can’t help but feel the peak of Kevin’s subliminal routine is far behind us, as I haven’t been all that crazy about the last few occurrences. I did love the topical Letterman mention at the end of this one, though.
— Billy Ray “Sear-us”? Did I seriously just hear Kevin pronounce Billy Ray Cyrus as that? He has a bad habit of absurd name mispronunciations on Update in general.
— As usual, lots of great news items from Operaman. The Amy Fisher one was especially funny, and I loved the melody of the “Au revoir, sayonara, etc.” bit directed towards Prince Charles and Princess Diana (I know that melody is from a classical song, but I don’t know the name of it).
— Interesting change of pace with Operaman’s brother appearing from under the desk. Great use of Jon Lovitz (in the final occurrence of his frequent early 90s cameos) and his operatic-trained voice.
— Fitting addition of Glenn to the Operaman reunion segment.
— Another rare occurrence of a Kevin Nealon-era Update ending with a guest commentary.
STARS: ***½


TOAST TO SCROOGE
Bob Cratchit’s (PHH) wife (host) still doesn’t like changed man Scrooge

— Very solid performances from Phil and especially Glenn.
— I normally don’t have a problem with Mike Myers (aside from Coffee Talk, I guess), but his performance in this sketch kinda makes me see why some SNL fans are annoyed by his so-called mugging tendencies.
— Overall, not the most exciting sketch, but I can appreciate the subtle approach this took and it was perfect for Phil and Glenn’s acting styles, who both sold this material well.
STARS: ***


TORI
Aaron Spelling’s spoiled daughter (MEH) touts 90210 fragrances

— This sketch makes its second and final appearance.
— I like the addition of Tim as The Love Boat’s Ted Lange.
— Funny line about how it’s in Jason Priestley and Luke Perry’s contract to sleep with Tori (“Thank you, daddy”, replies Melanie’s Tori).
— Despite some laughs, this was an overall fairly forgettable installment, kinda like the last time they did this sketch.
STARS: **½


ORGASM GUY
the least bit of pleasure causes Orgasm Guy (ROS) to climax

— Rob’s phenomenal season continues with his hilarious performance in this sketch.
— Some really funny subversions with some things not eliciting the orgasmic reaction from Orgasm Guy that you’d expect.
— Great part with David’s long statement that mentions a whole bunch of Orgasm Guy’s favorite things that were brought up earlier in the sketch, just so David can get a rapid succession of orgasmic reactions from him.
STARS: ****


LESBIAN CHRISTMAS PARTY
lesbians & sperm donor (KEN) share politically-correct holiday gathering

— Fourth episode in a row with a gay-themed sketch.
— I like Kevin describing his sperm-providing process as “I just took a normal event, put it in a Tupperware cup, and put a lid on it.”
— Funny line from Melanie about an all-women production of 12 Angry Men.
— Quite a lot of guitar-playing from Kevin throughout tonight’s episode.
— Not 100% sure what to make of this sketch as a whole, but I did find it had a charm and a nice slice-of-life approach.
STARS: ***


DAILY AFFIRMATION WITH STUART SMALLEY
Stuart prepares to visit his dysfunctional family

— Several funny lines from Stuart about his dysfunctional family.
— Nice callback with a mention of Stuart’s sister Jodi, who we met in a previous installment of this sketch, where she was played by Roseanne.
— I really like the part with Stuart’s “disease/dis-ease” confusion.
— He repeated the “I’m ‘should-ing’ all over myself” line from an earlier installment, but the way he said “should-ing” this time really made it sound like the actual swear word that it’s based on. I almost did a double-take.
— Lots of funny indecisive back-and-forths from Stuart at the end.
STARS: ***½


MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “Non-Fiction”


DRUMMER BOYS
drummer boys ADS, TIM, MIM, DAS, KEN, ROS, CHF, CSR slap their stomachs

— I like Adam’s build-up at the beginning, where he slowly walks to the center of the home base stage and very gradually reveals what he’s going to do.
— Ha, I absolutely love this, with all the guys slapping their stomachs to the tune of Little Drummer Boy. A fun random segment, made even funnier with the gag of Farley fidgeting, pulling his own hair in a fit, and nervously looking back at the guys behind him throughout the song.
— Surprisingly, this 10-to-1 sketch is Farley’s first and only appearance of the night. There’s a sad backstory that may explain this. After being out of rehab for a month, Farley relapsed badly earlier this week when he was distraught over a big sketch of his bombing at the readthrough (I think the sketch was called Puppy Lawyer). He then got busted with drugs in his office, and Lorne reportedly considered firing him before deciding that he should be sent back to rehab over the holidays. Because of this, we won’t be seeing him appear in the next episode.
— This is also Rock’s first and only appearance of the night, but that’s no surprise. Given how many episodes he’s been completely sitting out this season, he’s sometimes lucky to even be in ONE sketch in an episode.
— I wonder why Phil is the only male cast member missing from this.
— There’s some little touches that make this musical number even more charming for me, such as Rob oddly holding his shirt up with his mouth and Rock chewing gum throughout the song.
STARS: ****½


GOODNIGHTS


IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— A decent episode, but feels really average and kinda unexciting. Thinking back on it, however, the episode quality was actually a little better than it feels. While there were a few weak spots, we got some solid things, a few really strong things, and a few pieces that, while not hilarious, had a nice Christmas-y charm. Overall, not the best Christmas episode in SNL history, but certainly had enough good things to still make this episode worth watching.


MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS


HOW THIS EPISODE STACKS UP AGAINST THE PRECEDING ONE (Tom Arnold)
about the same


My full set of screencaps for this episode is here


TOMORROW
We enter the year 1993, with host Danny DeVito